Life's Amazing Twists and Turns

There are moments in life when you just have to sit back and marvel at God's hand of providence.
I've been having quite a few of those moments lately.
My oldest daughter, Becca, has been courted by a fellow whom she has known since she was about four. We used to attend church with his family and over the years we have kept up with the family happenings. We have many memories of great times together.
This past year Peter and Becca were reacquainted and their friendship began to grow. Pretty soon friendship turned into intentions of a different kind! And, two weekends ago Peter flew down from Seattle to propose to Becca.

Peter is in the Coast Guard and stationed out of Seattle. This made for a very different looking courtship and now an engagement. We are all very excited for Becca and can't wait to call Peter son and brother!
It looks like the wedding will be in May.
I am now officially taking on two different roles: bride and mother-of-the-bride!

I thought I would share with you Becca's engagement story. She shared this with her friends on Facebook...

"Peter wanted to take me on a surprise adventure on Friday....so he picked me up on 9am and we headed out towards the Coast. As we approached San Fransisco I asked him if this was the surprise…his reply was no. We continued on across the Golden Gate Bridge. The weather was beautiful and an absolutely perfect day for a drive.
We then made our way to Highway 1. This is one of my favorite roads and one I would love to someday travel from beginning to end. At this point Peter told me that we were on Highway 1 and that if I found a place to pull over to just let him know. I saw this beautiful lookout place and asked for him to pull over….not knowing of course that this was the spot he had planned for more then just a simple lookout.
We followed this trail to the lookout and enjoyed the scenery and the weather. Peter pointed out planes and such. Then as he pulled me to him he started saying "Becca….I am so in love with you and can't imagine my life with out you in it…you complete me." He then said "I have something to show you and pointed me in the direction of the fence. At that second I was thinking he must have drawn a heart with P+B or something like that. Then I saw "Becca, will you marry me?"
I didn't get it and it took me a second to understand that he was proposing!! I turn around to Peter. He was getting on one knee…as he did he pulled out the ring and said "Rebecca Ellie Davis will you marry me?" and I replied "YES!!". What closely followed was putting on the ring, looking at it, hugging and just complete happiness. Peter pointed over to some bushes and trees where Nate, my brother, and Jeff, my future father-in-law, were taking pictures and video of the whole event.
Afterwards we decided to travel back to San Fran and walk down to Pier 39, one of my favorite places in SF, and had a late lunch at The Eagle. It was wonderful….eating outside, watching the sun set. Eating a very yummy dish of crab and sitting next to the most wonderful guy in the world. After that we headed to Stockton to go watch the Stockton Thunder Hockey Team play against Idaho something-or-other, it was my first hockey game and I LOVED IT!!!! Stockton ended up losing but it was a perfect way to end a most wonderful, exciting, unforgettable day. "

A picture of the beautiful ring that Peter gave Becca.

So, as you can imagine, there were some very difficult emotions to deal with. We kind of grow up with the thought that our daughters are going to have a dad to help guide them through the courtship process and help them determine if the guy that is pursuing them is the one God intends for them. We kind of take for granted that our daughters will be walked down the aisle by their daddy. But, what happens when daddy is not there to give his daughter away?
Eric's death is still fresh in our hearts which makes this occasion so bitter-sweet. Bitter (tasting, that is) because we don't have him here to share in this beautiful event. Sweet because my Becca has found a kind, caring man whom I believe will take care of her.
I know that there are many, many young ladies who have had the same kind of trauma in their very young lives and so I don't want to overemphasis the tragedy or emotions that go along with it. But, I also want to remember that each traumatic event is a personal one.
For Becca, this will be an emotional journey and, I pray, I journey that will build her faith.
For me, it is an emotional journey of a different sort. I hurt for my sweet daughter who will not know the support and love of her dad through this moment. But, I trust, as I have all along this path, that this too is for the benefit of my personal growth and that of Becca's.
He is faithful and His will is perfect.
I pray that the Lord blesses Peter and Becca with a fruitful life together.
~Heather

Whew, That Was Close!

Last evening we went on a nice walk. The sky was darkening and the stars were starting to shine brightly. Because I figured that I could not get the stroller up the embankment of the canal I chose to walk in the road...mind you, I was walking against traffic (as you are suppose to) and very close to the curb. There were two lanes from which the oncoming truck could travel in but he/she continued to dominate the far lane that I was occupying. Granted, it was dark but I was clearly visible and yet he kept coming at me. Phil, along with the rest of the family started to shout at me to get out of the road. I was kind of in a state of shock. I just couldn't believe that the driver wasn't even slowing down. He just kept speeding up as if he wanted to hit Brown Sugar and me.

I did finally get the stroller up over the curb...just in time as the truck zoomed past me. Phil carried Brown Sugar and the stroller up to the top of the canal. I know there were questions of why I was even in the road and other questions of why I didn't seem to be moving out of the way. But, then the most extraordinary thing happened. Phil came over to me and asked if I was o-kay. He had such tenderness in words and worry in his eyes. He was genuinely concerned about what was going on in my head and heart.

That is when my emotions spilled...words just came rushing out in disbelief as I rehearsed what had just happened. I was confused as to why the truck driver was so intent on running us over. He just held me and listened. The fact that I could have lost my daughter because of a reckless driver did not escape me. Phil was there to calm me down and help me process it all.

I am thankful for such incidents as these. They are lovely reminders of the gift that Phil is to me and my family. He is level headed and a calming influence for me in particular. My friends have witnessed his kindness and calm demeanor as problems arise with the kids. They have also seen him deal with situations that we have to face...like me leaving my keys in my son's car on Reformation Night. Goose left before us...with my keys. Phil was my hero that night...quietly taking charge and calming me at the same time.

I am blessed!
~Heather

Family Identity

Last night we had our first pre-marriage/family counseling session with our Pastor and his wife.
Phil and I are both blessed to have this couple in our lives. They have a lot of insight into my family which means they have a lot of helpful advice to share with us.
I was reminded last week that we have only known Steve and Wendy for six years now but Steve has baptized our adopted children, performed Eric's and my twentieth anniversary renewal of vows, conducted Eric's memorial, and now will be officiating as I marry Phil.
We hope (and pray) that he has the privilege of baptizing a baby or two of ours as well! And, then there are our children's weddings to officiate and grandbabies to baptize....okay, you get the point!

There was much to discuss...Phil and I have had and continue to have long talks about how we will do certain things and what we will change regarding house rules, traditions, and so on. We talk about what we will keep the same as well. It is all so important as we try to create a new family.
One of the things that Steve asked us to work on was creating a new family identity.
What is it that the Olsson family will be known for?
What is the one thing that we all love to do together?
I think that over time this will come together for us but only because we are actively seeking to create that new identity.

IDENTITY: Distinct personality of, characteristics by which a thing or person is recognized or known, exact sameness.

A family identity fits the description above and yet is even more complex because it contains the individual personalities of each member as well.
As I look back on the Davis family identity I believe that most people who knew us would say that we were a family who was constantly busy and doing for others.
When Eric died our identity was in limbo. Eric would be described by most (including me) as a command man. I take this defining term from Debi Pearl's book "Created To Be His Help-Meet" (this is not an endorsement of any of the Pearl's books). Here is an exerpt:

"A few men are born with more than their share of dominance and, on the surface, a deficit in gentleness. They often end up in positions that command other men. We will call them Command Men. They are born leaders...These men see life as if they are looking from a high mountain, they see the big picture rather than individual needs.

They are known for expecting their wives to wait on them hand and foot. A Command Man does not want his wife involved in any project that prevents her from serving him. If you are blessed to be married to a strong, forceful, bossy man, as I am, then it is very important for you learn how to make an appeal without challenging his authority...

...A woman can fight until she is blue in the face, yet the Command Man will not yield. Yielding would be against his personhood. He is not as intimate or vulnerable as are other men in sharing his personal feelings or vocation with his wife. He seems to be sufficient unto himself. It is awful being shut out. A woman married to a Command Man has to earn her place in his heart by proving that she will stand by her man, faithful, loyal, and obedient. When she has won his confidence, he will treasure her to the extreme.

A King wants a Queen, which is why a man in command wants a faithful wife to share his fame and glory. Without a woman’s admiration, his victories are muted. If a wife learns early to enjoy the benefits of taking the second seat, and if she does not take offense to his headstrong aggressiveness, she will be the one sitting at his right side being adored, because this kind of man will totally adore his woman and exalt her. She will be his closest, and sometimes his only, confidante. Over the years, the Command Man can become more yielding and gentle. His wife will discover secret portals to his heart."

This is a great description of Eric. I didn't get it for the first ten years of our marriage. It wasn't until the Lord brought some incredible older women into my life that I was able to understand how to honor and respect my husband. And, when "Created" came out it was like a breath of fresh air! Someone finally understood our marriage. Someone finally understood why Eric would be upset when I forgot to take my cell phone with me. Someone finally had advice on how to create a godly marriage with a man who ran his home like a military boot camp.

And, the Lord knew that I needed a military boot camp for those twenty plus years. I had quite a bit of growing up to do and Eric was the tool that God used to mature me. I thank Him for those incredible years. For the last seven years or so Eric adored me as his "queen". My years of obedience even when it was incredibly difficult was rewarded with a kind husband who truly trusted and loved me.

The only downside to Eric's commanding ways was that this household and identity was wrapped up in him. When he died our family identity died with him. That is why I say that our family identity has been in limbo. Our family identity was Eric. For those that knew him they would all say that he was a huge presence in many of their lives. The loss was great for our church and friends because he was such a big personality. It was the same for the kids and me.

One of the interesting fall outs of this discovery is that my kids do not know me very well. They feel like they knew so much about their dad but nothing about me. Most of that was because I was in the background doing various things for Eric or being the task master. They have been surprised by finding out who I am and realizing that I am not Eric. Honestly, I think it is wonderful that my kids saw Eric and me as one person. It was an honor serving him.

As we were talking last night I started to get excited about the idea of creating this new identity...seeing what God has in store for us as He forms a new family out of an existing one.
Even more exciting is the unique difference this new phase of my life will hold for me.

I remember talking to a dear friend (hey there Colleen!)about my multiple times of running out of gas. I explained that Eric always kept my gas tank full along with taking care of just about everything in our relationship. She said she wondered if this time inbetween my marriage to Eric and my marriage to whomever God would bring into my life would be a time of learning for me. Learning how to manage finances, home, children, and such knowing that there would be a possibility of marrying someone unlike Eric. I told her at the time that I didn't think that I could marry someone who wasn't a command man. I wouldn't know what to do.
Well, God has given me a man who is not fully a command man. I get the privilege of learning how to respect and honor Phil as he leads our new family. And, after a year and a half of learning how to run a home I am ready to help Phil and share in the responsibility of running this home and creating a new family identity.
By the way, this is not easy work. Right now it is a lot of mental work. No complaints...I am just walking down the path the Lord has laid before me as I have the past two years. I just keep going...being gently prodded by the Holy Spirit to keep on keeping on. It's all a part of the journey.
~Heather

Busy, Busy, Busy

I do hope to be back to blogging soon.
Right now I have...
Wedding Invitations to send out
Reformation outfits to sew
House to run
Wedding plans to work on
Piano to teach
Children to teach
Help Phil move
and the list goes on.

Soon...very soon life will slow down. At least I hope so!
~Heather

I Will Never Leave You...

nor forsake you...
These words are found in Deuteronomy 31:8. Here is the whole verse...
"And the Lord, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed."

As I was walking the other day I had a moment of fear enter my heart. I had a feeling I would deal with fear at some point. The thought that caused the fear was "what if I lose Phil as well!". I very well could. I am not promised that I will never suffer again just because I endured this present suffering.
In my weakness I cried out to Him and told Him that I'm just not sure I could say good-bye to another husband. The next moment proved to be a better one as I realized how silly it was for me to "confess" my inability. In all reality, the only reason why I am enduring is because I am leaning....leaning on Him who enables me to continue.
The comforting part of the above verse is that He will NEVER leave me.
He will NEVER forsake me.
He will NEVER disappoint me.
He will ALWAYS be there with me.
I understand and trust these words so much more because I have seen the faithfulness of my God...the One, True, Living God who created the Universe and yet cares for even me!

~~~~

Yesterday was a low one for me. I had a hard time pinpointing what it really was that caused me to cry...and cry some more. It wasn't the weather, it wasn't hormones.
Finally, I was willing to admit that I just plain missed Eric.
I think I had a hard time admitting this because I did not want to diminish, in any way, the love that I have for Phil. But, the fact is I was intimately involved with Eric for twenty years. He was my best friend and when best friends go away you miss them.
In no way does this change my relationship with Phil. In fact, I love him all the more as he showed great kindness and care for me last night. He could tell I was struggling and so he listened as I talked through my emotions. He has, in a short amount of time, become my closest friend and confidant. He prayed for me and then decided to cut short our conversation (which usually lasts about three hours every night!) so that I could get some rest. Crying is quite the physical activity!
After a good night's sleep I woke to a new day, a very stormy day. I decided to take my walk anyway and just let the rain pour over me. As the rain cleans the air and replenishes the earth so also do tears clean and replenish the soul.
~Heather