I have never felt such pain. My heart aches more than I can even fathom. Yet, through the pain a friend reminded me to start reading the psalms. He thought that the meaning of the laments would help me through this time. What is amazing about David's laments is that they are mixed with astounding praise to God Almighty. This is where my heart is. On one hand I groan with pain and on the other I rejoice in His greatness.
I am fully aware that the Lord might be using my life and the lives of our children to testify to His great goodness. As I have told many friends lately I am willing to be vulnerable and as an open book for this reason. It is not an easy task to walk into pain but for some reason I know that walking away from it would cause more heartache in the end.
Saturday was the day of the Memorial service. All went incredibly well and I have memories that I will cherish forever. Sunday I walked into the pain of attending church with our community of believers who were doubly shocked by Eric's death. This was much harder than Saturday. Monday was full of good-bye's to family and then today has been a day of meeting with friends who traveled a long way to be here for our family. Tomorrow I go to the funeral home where I will make the final arrangements for Eric's burial at the National Cemetary in Santa Nella, CA. I am anticipating a very emotional morning.
The sobs and tears seem to come at the most ackward and inconvenient times. Tonight, as we were voting, I just broke down when I saw his name on the roster and realized the finality of death. Every evening when I can no longer procrastinate my bedtime I crawl into the covers and just sob. I hope that the pain will die down over the months and years.
Thank you for all the encouraging words sent my way. Our family appreciates all of the love and prayers that are bestowed on us. I should have the memorial details including a youtube for you by the end of the week. There were some beautiful letters that I would like to share with you that capture the essence of Eric's personality.