Friday, March 14, 2008

Death and Life

Two calls came in while we were on our trip to Disneyland: the coroner's office and the transplant nurse. I recieved the phone call from the transplant nurse during a moment's rest before heading back to the park. I rarely sleep now-a-days but wouldn't you guess that I had just fallen asleep when the phone rang. She wanted to make sure I was o-kay and let me know that all three patients (two kidney and one liver) were doing well. Thank you Lord!
The other phone call was to my Dad. My family didn't want me to know that they were done so that I could just enjoy the rest of our time away. I was the one that spoke up about calling when we get home to find out what is going on with the death certificate. We were waiting in line at the Finding Nemo ride and they told me that Dad had gotten the phone call that they were done with the certificates and we could pick them up anytime we wanted.
Yesterday my Dad picked them up and today I looked at them for the first time. The paper work is overwhelming. Simple forms but too full of meaning. Every line I fill in is a painful reminder that my beloved is gone. My heart breaks just thinking about it. The pain is so intense. The tears just continue to flow as I mourn the death of my best friend.
This morning I woke to the sound of the radio playing. Remember I said that the Lord uses songs to comfort me? Here is another song to add the soundtrack of my current life:
Scattered words and empty thoughts
seem to pour from my heart
I've never felt so torn before
seems I don't know where to start
but it's now that I feel Your grace fall like rain
from every fingertip, washing away my pain
[Chorus:]I still believe in Your faithfulness
I still believe in Your truth
I still believe in Your holy word
even when I don't see, I still believe
Though the questions still fog up my mind
with promises I still seem to bear
even when answers slowly unwind
it's my heart I see You prepare
but its now that I feel Your grace fall like rain
from every finger tip, washing away my pain
The only place I can go is into your arms
where I throw to you my feeble prayers
in brokeness I can see that this was your will for me
Help me to know You are near


da halls said...

I'm sorry. I cry for you. My heart aches for you.
I am praying for you.
Mary Beth

countrymomtx said...

Praying for you. Cindy in West Texas

Laurie said...

Prayers continue for you here in So. Ca. asking the Lord to hold you as you go through this most painful loss. I am so sorry.

Laurie in So. Ca.

Quinne said...

Hi Heather :)
I am so sorry! Sending hugs and prayers and lots of love, Q

McMaster family said...

Heather,Thank you for sharing what you're going through, emotions and all. I can only imagine how many others who are or will walk on this path God has chosen for you that will be comforted and pointed to the Lord through your experience put here in words. May God be praised. We continue to remember you and the children in our prayers and hearts.
The McMasters in VA