Death and Life

Two calls came in while we were on our trip to Disneyland: the coroner's office and the transplant nurse. I recieved the phone call from the transplant nurse during a moment's rest before heading back to the park. I rarely sleep now-a-days but wouldn't you guess that I had just fallen asleep when the phone rang. She wanted to make sure I was o-kay and let me know that all three patients (two kidney and one liver) were doing well. Thank you Lord!

The other phone call was to my Dad. My family didn't want me to know that they were done so that I could just enjoy the rest of our time away. I was the one that spoke up about calling when we get home to find out what is going on with the death certificate. We were waiting in line at the Finding Nemo ride and they told me that Dad had gotten the phone call that they were done with the certificates and we could pick them up anytime we wanted.

Yesterday my Dad picked them up and today I looked at them for the first time. The paper work is overwhelming. Simple forms but too full of meaning. Every line I fill in is a painful reminder that my beloved is gone. My heart breaks just thinking about it. The pain is so intense. The tears just continue to flow as I mourn the death of my best friend.

This morning I woke to the sound of the radio playing. Remember I said that the Lord uses songs to comfort me? Here is another song to add the soundtrack of my current life:

I STILL BELIEVE

by JEREMY CAMP

Scattered words and empty thoughts

seem to pour from my heart

I've never felt so torn before

seems I don't know where to start

but it's now that I feel Your grace fall like rain

from every fingertip, washing away my pain

[Chorus:]I still believe in Your faithfulness

I still believe in Your truth

I still believe in Your holy word

even when I don't see, I still believe

Though the questions still fog up my mind

with promises I still seem to bear

even when answers slowly unwind

it's my heart I see You prepare

but its now that I feel Your grace fall like rain

from every finger tip, washing away my pain

[Chorus]

The only place I can go is into your arms

where I throw to you my feeble prayers

in brokeness I can see that this was your will for me

Help me to know You are near