Saturday, October 11, 2008

Who Am I?

When you have been married to someone for as long as I was you realize that when they are gone your identity has been stripped from you as well.
Or, at least that is what it seems. I am still here and have been pondering who am I?
My thoughts have now turned from I can't do this without him to I just plain miss him.
I can do this yet it is incredibly hard to do by myself.
I am pumping my own gas and remembering to do so!
I am taking care of bills and managing the finances.
I am managing the kids chores and remembering to change the filters in the house.
These are just a few of the things that Eric did for me...I am not doing it all as well as he did but for a single mom who has been pampered her entire marriage I would say I am doing fine.

I have been working on what is it that makes me, me. So, I thought I would share what I am learning which will give you the chance to know a bit more about me.
I am...a perfectionist. Perfectionism has both positive and negative elements. You should see me write a letter! If I make one little mistake I feel compelled to start all over again. The problem is I like things to be perfect and if they aren't I get a bit grumpy. My friends understand this about me and even cater to my perfectionistic ways. Thanks girls for the matching 18 gallon totes to store stuff in...all twenty of them!
I am....a realist. No, I am not a negative person or a half empty gal. I prefer to label myself as a realist. I see both sides of the glass and realize that the situation could go in either direction. I think it is a rather appropriate way to handle most situations.
I am...simplistic. My motto is "Simple is Best". I think this is an outcropping of my perfectionism. If it can't be perfect then why have it at all. The clothes look messy in the closet? Then you have too many! That is my answer for everything. I am one of those women that will have to go out and buy something to replace something else that she thought she would never use again. Maybe a waste of money but my drawers are clean!
I am....creative. I kind of knew that this was a part of who I am but I am not incredibly secure in this area. I feel rather mediocre than superb at any one thing. I can sing...but not as well as my friends. I can play the piano...but again, not as well as most. I have a great eye for color or at least I think so. Here is where "words of encouragement" becomes
really important in my life.
I am....intimate. Yep, I am a touchy, feely type gal. I would rather spend one on one with someone rather than be in a crowd. I have learned the art of looking like the life of the party but deep down inside I would rather stay home and snuggle with the one I love.
I am...adventurous. Not daredevilish but rather I enjoy the excitement of new places, new experiences, and new problems to solve. I actually thought that Eric was the adventurous one in our home and that I just followed. Not really...after taking our trip across the U.S. this past spring I find that I want to do it again. I really enjoy the challenge.
I am...opinionated. I am sure you figured this one out while reading my blog. I am learning to curtail this somewhat by keeping my mouth shut. I don't always succeed and now I don't have a husband there to wink at me or give me the nudge that I need to relax. I am trying to learn the art of giving my opinion only when it is appropriate or when I am asked.
I am...curious. I love to learn! I am always asking questions and looking up information about something that intrigues me. I think that curiosity either killed the cat or made him smarter!
I am...hmmmmm, I am working on what else makes up me.

So, would you like to know some fun facts about me?
  • I really enjoy artisian chocolate. The better the quality the more I like it. My fav? Scharffenberger
  • The coffee I would order from Starbucks is either a Grande Cappuccino (extra hot and extra dry) or an Iced Americano (with half-n-half)
  • I like most foods. I definately know that I do not like sushi and watermelon
  • Maroon, Black, and Olive green are my favorite colors
  • If I were to live in a foreign country I would choose Italy
  • If I could live anywhere in the U.S. it would be Los Altos/Menlo Park/Palo Alto area (NOT East Palo Alto!!!) of California
  • My favorite flower is the Hydrangia
  • I would have a hard time living without sourdough bread
  • The darker the beer the better
  • I would rather enjoy an ice cold Coke than any kind of liquor
  • I hate to exercise but I do it anyway
  • If I were to watch a movie it would probably be a Jane Austin flick or something adventurous like The Bourne Series
  • I am in love with the British accent
  • I would love to be a guest judge on Iron Chef America
  • I dislike to sew and really don't even like to quilt even though I love the idea of quilting
  • I love the quietude of the forest but am a city girl at heart
  • I do not like animals...well, I mean living with me.
  • I drive a 15 passenger van but if I had a choice I would drive a crossover something or other with leather seats...
  • I would love to rent or borrow a BMW Z3 someday. I would drive Hwy 49 (Gold coutnry of California) and then take it up and back down Hwy 1 (Ocean Hwy of California)
  • My favorite book of all time is Pride and Predjudice...Jane Austin perfected the art of writing novels on social matters. But, I can't exclude Redeeming Love by Francine really is a tie!
  • I really want to visit Great Britain
  • There is no particular music that I can hang my hat on but I will not, refuse to, definately can't listen to Hard Rock, Heavy Metal, Rap, or Yanni.
  • I am the oldest of three. Ironically they both just got married and are having or have recently had children...whereas I am now single after twenty years of marriage and at least two of my children are just about ready to leave my home!
  • Although I am 41 I feel like I am about 35
  • Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday
  • My decorating style is very Pottery Barnish
  • I am almost 5'9" with brown hair and brown eyes
  • I love to laugh and I smile a lot!
  • I miss singing in a choir and small group
  • My favorite books of the Bible are James and Romans
  • I walk around barefoot all day long
  • If I must pick a favorite song it would be "What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong (what a voice!)
  • My favorite TV shows are House and Law & Order: Criminal Intent
  • Lemons are my favorite fruit
  • I am a late night person...I really do not do mornings. I have always said that God created sunsets and not sunrises! :)
I am running dry now know more about me than you probably wanted to know. The process of getting to know myself has been quite fun...if you have any questions about me that I did not cover ask away!


Kathy said...

Heather, thanks for your last couple of posts. They have encouraged me very much.-Kathy

Alesha said...

LOL, Heather! I've had to go out and buy things that I threw away/sold at yard sales too!!! The most embarrassing would be the small kitchen appliances! What was I thinking? Of course I will eventually need the blender! lol!

Thanks for this post. It was lovely. Just like you!


Jennie Lou said...

Tell us about your homeschooling/home management style.

red said...

Surprisingly, I knew almost all fact's about you. I believe that I should get the credit for the idea of driving on Hwy 1. :) Maybe we should do it together you with your BMW and me with my GT Mustang.

I love you mom.

Jill said...

I love reading your blog! You are such an ecouragement to me. The way you write is just so real and I can almost feel a small glimpse of your emotions.

godlover said...

How can you not like watermelon??? I thought everybody liked watermelon! I like watermelon. In fact it wouldn't be stretching things to say that I LOVE watermelon. When I was pregnant with one of my boys it was the only thing I could keep down. And you are quite a few inches taller than I had pictured you. I had you a little shorter than myself and I'm 5' 4-5" (depending on which pair of shoes I'm wearing). So you're a few inches taller than me. This was a lot of fun, getting to know your likes and dislikes. I should probably do that sometime on my blog. For my blog I just write a short devotional and then just talk about what's happening in my life. I know it sounds boring (and to me it is!) but my readers seem to like my blog. I have a normal family with a normal life but I always find something to write about. Still praying for you and your family every day. Take care...

GS Counselor: said...

I think your blog may have changed the font color to white. So now it's white text on a white background. I only figured it out after I accidently highlighted part of the text and saw that there were recent posts.

Jenifer said...

Hello Heather,

I came to your blog when I first heard about Eric being in the hospital in January. I can't even begin to imagine the days and nights you experience but I think of you often.
I will be married 25 years at the end of this month and I can so relate to your post here. I know I'm pretty much defined by my relationship with my husband and I'm not at all sorry about that.
We have each brought something more to the other, encourage and strengthen each other to be the best we can possibly be. It is never boring :-)
I got a good chuckle reading all about you. Many, many of the things you like, and even don't like, are me as well. I often get told I'm too picky, but I beg to differ. I just know what I like and don't like~LOL!
Anyway, I'm another stranger who has crossed paths with you because of your sorrow, and I wanted you to know how often you have blessed me as well as opened my eyes and heart to "see" single mothers in a way I had never before considered.

May the Lord Bless You and Keep You,

Lazy D Ranch said...

gs counselor,
I have no idea why your browser is not letting you see the background. I did change the font to white because my background is orange. I am so sorry that I am not savy enough to know how to correct this for you. Sorry.
If anyone else is having this problem let me know...if there is more than one then I will change it. ~Heather

godlover said...

Just for your info, your background color changed from orange to white and then back to orange for me too. Right now it is the orange or red background. I don't know why it did some changing around on me, but the problem seems to have rectified itself and has settled on the red. I haven't had it change colors for several days now. I have no idea what that means.