Tuesday, December 9, 2008


Quiet seems so elusive at times. Our world seems to be filled with so much noise...it is hard to break away from it all. Right now I am sitting in an almost completely silent home. I can still hear the computers in the background and the humming of different appliances but no sounds of footsteps on the wood floor or chattering among the children.
The advantage of having older children is that they can drive themselves and their siblings around. That is what they did tonight. I sent them all on an errand to Costco and then hinted that this would be the last evening they would have to go shopping for mom
before our trip north.
They liked the idea of getting to have dinner at Costco. I liked the idea of not having to make dinner and getting to just hang out in a quiet house for awhile.
I am not complaining...my home is not a particularly loud one. It is just nice to have a breather every-once-in-a-while. And, I know the kids will have fun hangin' together at the stores.

In the quiet I wanted to think more about something that caused me to pause this afternoon. I was having a conversation with Goose and it was all about responsibility. I won't go into the details but I will say that I was trying to teach a lesson through a few mistakes that he had made. At one point I realized how infinitely silly it was for me to chastise him for something that Eric had chastised me for. I would make a judgment call on a particular issue rather than consult Eric. He, rightfully so, would be upset because my thinking was flawed and the decision I made would cost us more money. If I had only called him I would have been given a different view or he would have made the decision leaving the responsibility on his shoulders rather than mine. So, my thought was who am I to chastise my son when I don't even
have this part of my life in order?

There have been so many situations of late that I see my sins and weaknesses in my own children. Raising children is one of the ways that God sanctifies us....I embrace that. I know that God is showing me where I need to grow. He is showing me the dark areas of my life that I have easily dismissed as nonimportant and is asking me to change in front of my children. You know...lead by example. Yikes! That means I need to keep up on my laundry and make my bed daily. It means I need to train my children to call me when they have questions rather than make silly decisions on their own. It means that I have to ....do a lot include swallowing a bit of pride! And, do it while grieving.

I hope you don't get the impression that I believe Eric was taken from us because I just wasn't learning my lessons and so God had to do something drastic to get my attention. That is on the line of what Job's friends told him...all his circumstances were due to his failures, his sin.
No, God took Eric home for reasons only He knows. Eric's days were numbered as all of ours are. We only have those chosen days to grow to be more like Christ. Instead God uses the circumstances in our life to mold and shape us into what He desires. I could resist the growth that would come from this pain but I would be resisting the One True Living God who created me for His glory. I would also be failing my calling as a parent. God called me to be a light to my children. To teach them and raise them in the admonition of the Lord. How can I truly teach them anything if I am not willing to learn myself.
So, as I see it I have two choices: Give up on growing, changing, and being a role model to my kids or walk the path of sanctification even if it means they are only
two steps behind me all the way.
And that being said...I am closing this post and heading to my room to make my bed!


Jennifer said...

Thank you for this post. God really does use our children to show us our own weaknesses! I needed the reminder, again.

not2brightGRAM said...

"I see my sins and weaknesses in my own children. Raising children is one of the ways that God sanctifies us"

Oh my! A humble AMEN to that.

Thanks for sharing your heart. Your children have an excellent role model in you. And Goose will emulate his dad. You watch and see!

Kenj said...

Your home wasn't particularly quiet today so I am glad you got a few hours of peace :)

Anonymous said...

Dear Heather,
The Lord teaches us so much by our children, whether by their mistakes or by their words. I used to find it hard to correct my
children when it was something that I couldn't hardly control. Someone pointed out to me once, through a homeschool point, that even if I didn't know something as I was learning it and teaching it to my children the excitement that I had from learning it would pass on to them. In relationship to my walk, when I was having a hard time with an area and could see it in my children and they knew that I had trouble with the same sin we could talk more easily about it, see it in each other and encourage each other to persevere.
I am praying for you.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this post! So many of them have touched me, but this one... You are speaking the words of my heart; the words that I pray and wrestle with.

I have been following your blog for almost a year and have read of your tears and joy, but have been witness to great faithfulness. Elizabeth Elliot calls things like widowhood a 'blessing': truly, dear lady, you are an example of that.

Yet I have sinned in comparing myself to you. How unwise it is to look anywhere except at Jesus and his Word. Thank you, Lord for your mercy.

Thank you so much for your transparency: it there is not enough time or space to tell you how God has worked through this simple blog in my life, except to say thank you…

thank you,

godlover said...

Heather, you never fail to lift my spirits and bring home to me the real meanings of life. Down where the rubber meets the road. May you and your family have a great Christmas, filled with blessings galore! God has kept you this past year and He will do the same this coming year.

six2love said...

I've just been reading the last few entries. I'm amazed at God's grace in you and through you. Your honesty and willingness to grow through pain and loss is truly an inspiration/encouragment for me to do the same. I, too, would never have chosen this path. Today I felt my heart was literally breaking; don't know if it's the season or what. Not going to have a tree this year (not humbugging, just focusing on Hannukah in honor of David). We'll look at lights, maybe put some up, do stockings.

Haven't picked out a headstone or thought of what to write on it. Another reality marker I'm not really wanting to do, I guess . . .

The white line in the fog is just what I was praying for earlier tonight as I was before the Lord. I know I have to walk this path largely alone, save for the Lord. But I really don't want to get off His direction, so I'm counting on that white line.

I pray you have a great trip to Oregon. We're expecting a good amount of snow starting on Friday. It would be a blessing to meet sometime on one of your trips up here or perhaps on a trip we took south.

Merry Christmas!

Lazy D Ranch said...

Could you email me at lazydranch@prodigy.net? I was hoping to meet up with you on this trip if possible. When my computer crashed all I lost your email.
Hope you get this in time!