Thursday, March 5, 2009

Deliberate Thinking

I was re-reading my last post. And I think I could be misunderstood by what I wrote at the end of that particular blog spot. Here is what I wrote:
"That just plain makes me sad.
And, then it makes me cry.
And, then I begin to rejoice.
Rejoice in His goodness, His mercy."

I want you to know that I do not rejoice naturally. In my humanness I would rather curl up into a little ball and call it quits. I would rather the world just stop and I get off. Granted, the feelings are not as intense as they were last year but the feelings are still there. The lonliness is real. The overwhelming responsibility of taking care of this family is real.
So, rejoicing doesn't just happen. It is a commitment to seeing things through God's eyes. Rejoicing is a deliberate task...purposing to do what God asks me to do even though I do it by faith. It takes faith to rejoice because the rewards are not necessarily seen at the moment. My faith is where my hope lies. Hope that God is working at making me more like Him through my obedience. Hope that He will work all things out for my good and His glory.

Even though it takes deliberate thinking to rejoice it does seem easy right now. I am so resting in God and trusting His right hand. This is one of those times when I feel like I am floating along doing what comes next. Not much bothers me...even those little bumps in the road (they are all little compared to losing Eric).
Not all moments are like these but for the time being I am content in His plan for me. I am content living by faith and in hope quoting regularly...
Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say rejoice!


E.T.'s Mom said...

Hi, I just found your blog in the last week and I must say God's work in you is a powerful testimony to to people you'll never meet. Thank you for testifying to His great goodness.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing what God is teaching you...learning to see things through His eyes...all for His glory and our good...rejoicing is a deliberate task. Simple and deliberate, right? Not EASY, but SIMPLE, as the Lord's ways usually are.