Friday, August 21, 2009

What He Must Be

Quite a long time ago I sat down and created a list of the things that I desire in a future spouse.
I was fairly specific with the intent of making sure that I would not settle for less.

My prayer is that God would bring someone to me. I mean, really, the whole bar thing just doesn't work. Can you imagine? I envision the conversation going something like this,"Well, if you are interested in me I need to tell you up front that I have six children and I teach them at home. I am a Reformed Presbyterian who holds to Covenant Theology and wears a head covering. I am so politically to the right that there really isn't a political group that I can belong, are you still interested?"

I also pray that the Lord will bring someone into my life soon. I don't desire to be a widow for very long. It is a biblical concept for young widows to remarry
and I have little ones that need a daddy.
Amidst these prayers I have been praying that this man would fit the list that I wrote out. Here are fourteen of them...
1. Intelligent- I desire to enjoy the company of someone who is more intelligent than I. He would need to not be intimidated by my love of learning and want to have deep conversations. He would also need to be willing to teach me and answer my many, many questions.
2. Reformed- Really, this is number one. He has to be more than just a professing Christian. I am fairly well versed on what I believe and I believe it with all my heart. Because I believe that submission to my future husband is critical I feel that those areas that I feel strongly about are those that I should not compromise on or it could make it hard for me to submit.
Along with my firm belief in the Reformed doctrine I also have other theological beliefs that could be controversial including Covenant Communion and head coverings. This sure narrows the field of men down!
3. Spiritual Leader- I desire to be nurtured spiritually. I want a husband who loves the Word and wants to read it with me and pray with me. Someone who desires to see me grow and our children grow in the admonition of the Lord. Daily reading the Word as a family is of ;utmost importance to me and so I am looking for someone who feels the same.
4. Someone who has much patience for me. I have sins that plague me..for instance, I get frustrated when my children do not finish jobs or do it to the best of their ability. I forget quickly that I am to train these kiddos and not get overly worked up.
5. Understanding that I have had a twenty year marriage to another man is very important. Eric's memories are not going to go away especially for my children. To not be hurt or intimidated by Eric's memory is very important. Having the understanding that he can not fill Eric's shoes but rather see that this is a new phase of my life is crucial.
6. I am not naturally athletic. I have to work at it. But, I love being active. We have a pool that I spend quite a bit of time in. So, the love of water might need to be added to this section! I just want to be outside doing stuff...walking, hiking, riding bikes, etc.
7. A hard worker is...well, is hard to find. I like the motto that we should work hard and play hard. But, the key? Working hard comes first. I am not interested in a man who is a sluggard.
8. Having a passion for life and for the God that created it is really important to me. I see beauty in the world around us. There is no time to be offended by the little things in life. Instead, living passionately for God means to live each moment to its fullest and to the glory of God. Granted, I don't even accomplish this at all times but having someone in my life to remind me to do this and who strives to do the same is so important.
9. Physical affection is a must. I am a very affectionate person...enough said!
10. Knowing how to relax is a need in my life. Sometimes life can just get incredibly hectic and busy. To be able to take a deep breath and read a good book is good for the soul and the body. This is something that I need to be encouraged to do.
I tend to be so busy and let my life get to chaotic.
11. My six children all have different personalities and different needs. The man I need is going to have to be incredibly special to take this task on but he will also need to be creative and have an abundance of wisdom.
12. He must love children. He must. There is no way around this one...I have six of them!
13. I really need to have someone who is taller than me. I know it sounds silly but it made the list so it is obviously important to me.
14. The man that I marry in the future will hopefully desire to be my best friend and will enjoy having a help mate. I want to adore, respect, and honor a husband again. It is such a worthy calling!

There are many more things that I could mention but I thought these would give you an idea of the kind of man I am looking for. I really don't care what he does for a living or what kind of car he drives. I don't really even care what his clothes look like. I just desire to meet a godly man who fits this rather substantial list.

Some may wonder why I post this...stay tuned!


Jeannie said...

Come on, I want to hear the if I don't have any idea!

Martha A. said...

That is a great list, Heather!!

Anonymous said...

Have you read "When God Writes Your Love Story" by Eric & Leslie Ludy? I borrowed it from the library for my son who has just started dating, but I ended up reading it before him, and so wish I had read it when I was waiting for "the right one", so many years ago.
Rebecca from Canada :)

Anonymous said...

I already know, but I am looking forward to the details as you feel led to share them :o)

May God continue to bless you and your family Heather...I continue to hold you in my prayers!

Seeking His face!

Jennifer...aka: Jen or "MOMMM!" said...

I really enjoy reading your blog. Your faith in our Lord is an inspiration, especially considering all that has happened to your family in the past 1.5 years. Your bar "conversation" made me truly laugh out loud! Thank you!
I will keep your requests in prayer and can't wait for the rest of the story. :)

God Bless,
Jen W

Nan said...

You sure know how to string us along don't you? The suspense is killing me... ;^P

Love ya!

Linda E said...

Hi Heather,

Someone led me to your blog a couple months ago because they thought I would be encouraged by it. And I am. Your testimony of God's grace in your life is an inspiration to press in and press on during times of pain and times of joy. I am standing for a broken marriage and was feeling discouraged this week. Your list of things you desire in a future spouse made me smile. I am reminded of what God said to me when my husband first left. That He is not taking a mediocre marriage through this trial so we can come out on the other side with a mediocre marriage. But He has a purpose for our one-flesh union to bring Him great glory. With our testimony and within our marriage. So I am encouraged and reminded that He makes all things new and to have high expectations for the marriage He has planned for us (in His timing, of course). Thank you for being transparent. It is so refreshing. May God bless you abundantly for your faithfulness.