Thursday, September 20, 2007

The Blessing of Children - Our Journey Continues

In sharing our story I am aware that there will be some issues that are controversial. Please remember that this is our journey, not yours. I am not trying to convince you but rather encourage you with what God can do in the lives of His humble servants.

Two weeks after our last bio child was born (Daisy) we chose to have a vascectomy. I remember crying all the way home after dropping Hubbie off at the Doctor's office. I was mourning the passing of another "phase" of life. But, I continued to try and convince myself that I should not have any more children. It was absurd to continue to have children when I was a basket case, we had very little money, and the rest of our friends were happily done with bearing children. I should be also. I should be enjoying this new phase of life and stop being so discontent. These were my thoughts.

As the Lord brought people into our lives that saw children as a blessing and not just something that you produce as a married couple, I began to mourn our decision. The next seven years were miserable. Every month I went through a rollercoaster of emotions as I hoped and prayed that God would supernaturally reverse what we had put into place.

On Valentines Day we sat a House of Pancakes with our friends, the Adams. Hubbie said he had a surprise for me. He said that he wanted to reverse the vascectomy and had made an appointment with a Doctor in Texas. Mr. Adams and Hubbie took the trip together in March.

Everything seemed to go well with the surgery but since we waited seven years we were not given much hope. I still continued on my rollercoaster ride of emotions as I dealt with the monthly grief of finding out I was not pregnant. For three years I struggled. I almost ruined one friendship with a friend who finally got pregnant after six years of infertility. I was so jealous and so bitter by God's will for our lives. I did not understand why and I still do not. And, all the while, my dear husband kept reminding me that we reversed the vascectomy to undo what we now considered a sin. We had chosen to stop a God given process. We had taken our fertility into our own hands and basically told God that we knew what was best for our lives.

The past two years has seen a change in my heart. I am learning to be content in the life that God has given us. He has changed my heart toward adoption which was something I would have never considered if we had not gone on this journey. I am learning to rejoice when God blesses a friend with a new child and I am also learning in the true meaning of quiverful: raising children to the glory of God.

Psalm 127:3-5

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; They shall not be ashamed, but shall speak with their enemies in the gate.

The next step? Becoming Reformed


jaz said...

I love your boldness and openness. It's so refreshing, and gives me lots to chew on without having to cut through the padding of qualifer after qualifier. I didn't see Nancy Wilson on your links!? I really enjoy her blog, too, which is if you don't have it. I'm looking foward to your post on becoming reformed!
Jamie Z.

Scott and Katy said...

I too thank you for your boldness and openness!
I enjoyed many of your links!
Katy McKinney

Waiting said...

We have a lot in common!! After three children we also had the vasectomy, I also cried and we also reversed it five years later. It is now 14 years later and no baby. I became a teacher and went to work just to take my mind off of it. But then when we moved, my older children all stayed in college in California. I can't handle the empty nest at the age of 45. My husband has agreed to try foster parenting for a year. He's not ready to commit to adoption. If this is God's will for our lives we should know at the end of the year!