Friday, February 22, 2008

Hard Words to Hear

Recently I had a moment to sit with Daisy and ask her about how she is doing. I have been particularly worried that she might be carrying the weight of her daddy's death on her shoulders since she was with him that fateful day.
A dear friend, who happens to be a biblical family counselor, told me that she really needs to verbalize what happened that day so that she can get it out "in the open". So, I asked her to share her experience. What I was not ready for was the images that came to my mind as she described what happened. As she was sharing her side of the story I had a deep gut ache. I wanted to go back into time and do something, anything to help him. I can see God's plan in not having me there because I would have felt even more helpless. But, I can't help having the "what-if's" creep into my thoughts every now and then.
Daisy said that Eric seemed fine when he went into the store but when he came back out to the truck he was struggling to breath. She felt very helpless and wasn't sure what to do until Eric handed her his phone and said dial 911. As I write this I am again feeling that ugly,
gut-wrenching, anxious feeling.
She dialed but it just kept ringing. Someone else came out of a store and saw the need so she called 911. Her phone dialed right in and help was on its way. In the meantime, Eric was suffocating and so Daisy ran to Best Buy to get help from them. The security guard came out but there really is not much that you can do for someone whose airway is filled with mucos. I can envision what was going on with him because from what Daisy told me it was very similar to what happened in the hospital in November. But, then I was able to hold him, talk to him and he was being given medical care on the spot. This time he dropped to the ground and help just could not get there fast enough.
When the ambulance did arrive he was in need of life saving measures so they put a catheter in his jugular vein, intubated him right away, and used the paddles to bring back his heart. He probably went five to ten minutes without help. The Doctors in the ER said that the average human can only go three to four minutes without air before their brain completely shuts down. During this whole time Daisy said that she was swept away by some by-standers and then handed over to the police detective. I asked her if she was scared. She said she was scared and that she wanted to be by her daddy's side but they would not let her. Children do not understand the fraility of life...if Daisy had I believe that she would have begged to tell her daddy one last good-bye or say "I love you" one more time.
Daisy and I shed some tears as we talked about how nothing she could have done would have changed the outcome. God's plan was for Eric to go onto his eternal life that day.
A few weeks before this we had a discussion about eternal life. Lil' Cowboy was asking if John the Baptist baptized him. We replied that our pastor did because John the Baptist has been dead a long time. Of course, me being the antogonist of the family chimed in and said that really John the Baptist was still alive. They all looked at me with that oh-great-here-we-go-again look. I explained that we are eternal beings that really do not die...only our mortal bodies die. Little did we know that this subject would hit so close to home in such a short time. Daisy and I talked about how Eric is living his eternal life even though his mortal body is buried.
It was a good conversation and got us that much closer to healing the deep pain in our souls for our daddy and husband.
~Lazyd

17 comments:

kristi said...

My words just don't seem adequate but know that we think of you all so often and Chuckles still prays for Daisy. The Lord wanted her there with Eric and it sounds like she was so brave. Big hugs to you as not every mom would have the courage to try and talk about that day. Lots of love to you....

Dawn said...

Thank you for sharing this.

I don't know what else to say..except thank you.

Praying for you all. <><

CristyLynn said...

I'm so glad that you have a close friend who's a christian counselor! I'm also thankful that God is giving you the grace and strength to help your children as they need it right now even though you are in so much pain and struggling!
We continue to pray for you and your family every day!
By grace,
Cristy (for the Slawsons)

hindsfeet11 said...

My heart aches for you. I am just so proud of my special friend and her children. Your words, your life, continue to be a testimony to me and mine. You know we are here for the long haul. Most importantly though, our Savior will carry each of you through. We love you all.

With Prayers,With Blessings, Jean

Laurie said...

Bless your hearts for being able to share the most difficult moments that has brought you here. I am sure that Daisy will remember this talk forever and hopefully help her on the days that she feels helpless. It breaks my heart for her and for you and I am praying for you that each new day will draw you closer to Him and to healing. God bless and keep your family close together.

Love, Laurie in So. Ca.

Alesha said...

Sometimes being a parent is excrutiaingly painful. But we do what we must, knowing that God did not make a mistake when He gifted us with this child in this situation.

This talk with your daughter must have been so hard. Thank you for doing the RIGHT thing for HER and talking her through this difficult memory.

Only eternity knows how this sacrificial act of yours may impact her life.

You're doing well - one breath at a time - and God will continue to hold you up.

Cheryl's friend,
Alesha

Rebeca said...

I continue to pray also for healing and strength for you all. It's so good that you're able to have these conversations with your children and walk through this together. And your words about John the Baptist- and your beloved husband- are right on. They are truly alive in Christ and with Christ. May the Lord continue to hold you up in His strong arms.

countrymomtx said...

You are so brave Heather. Thank you for sharing what you are going through. Praying for you and Daisy and all your family. Cindy in West Texas

godlover said...

Heather, by God's grace we do eventually come out from under the heavy burdens of life and death. I pray for you and your family and will continue to do so. Know that there are total strangers who are grieving with you for your loss. Thank you for sharing this incredibly painful journey. Your faith during these difficult times brings glory to our God and Savior Jesus Christ. In His love and in His strength you will continue on. Know that I think of you often even though you don't even know me.

Scott R. Davis said...

even though I don't know you your family or Eric. May God's grace and peace be upon you. As a bonus, look at my website for encouragement from a lad in the Lord who faces struggles but keeps his face heavenward waiting for the Savior return us to all that we once lost in the Garden of Eden and in our lives
Peace to you and your family and friends in bloggerland.

In Him, scott
www.scottrdavis.blogspot.com

BelovedPeace said...

*Hugs*
Lots of Love to you all,
Amy

Martha A. said...

I will continue to pray for you both in the days and years ahead as I am sure this is not going to be a one time talk.
Thanks for sharing!

milkmaid777 said...

Hello Heather,
You don't know me, but I've been keeping up with your blog with my family. The wife of a young man at our church just went to be with the Lord 3 days before your husband went. They are also adoptive parents. Here is his story:

http://cold-water-news.blogspot.com/

Some similarities in the situation, some differences. I gave him your blog addy so maybe he is keeping up with your painful loss/leaning on the Lord as well. His wife gave her testimony to our church in Dec. Here is that testimony. It is a hard blow for her husband to lose her, as you will see how precious she was. I hope something will minister to you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVJFFdg_bjw
Praying for you in Mississippi,
Heather

milkmaid777 said...

Hello Heather,
You don't know me, but I've been keeping up with your blog with my family. The wife of a young man at our church just went to be with the Lord 3 days before your husband went. They are also adoptive parents. Here is his story:

http://cold-water-news.blogspot.com/

Some similarities in the situation, some differences. I gave him your blog addy so maybe he is keeping up with your painful loss/leaning on the Lord as well. His wife gave her testimony to our church in Dec. Here is that testimony. It is a hard blow for her husband to lose her, as you will see how precious she was. I hope something will minister to you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVJFFdg_bjw
Praying for you in Mississippi,
Heather

milkmaid777 said...

oops..
sorry for the double post, brievity, & coldness. I've only been trying to get a comment on here for a week, but blogger wouldn't accept my password, said my email didn't exist, & then wouldn't let me even read comments. I thought this was just going to be another rejected post.
I really feel for you & you are on my mind everyday. Thank you for sharing your journey. I am so glad your husband redeemed his time by investing God in his children. Obviously this house he left isn't going to fall as it was built upon the Rock. I'm very glad to have 'met' you & will continue to lift you & yours up to our Father who has ordained this path for you before the foundation of the world in His lovingkindness. Acts 17:26

May your journey be more like a vapor, a flower of the field, & a fleeting shadow until you meet again at that glorious worship service before His throne.
Sincerely,
Heather
Phil. 1:20

S & C & C's Gram said...

Heather and children, we continue to pray for you as you come out of the shock and deal with the painful reality. We have been especially praying for Daisy on this very matter. We love you all and trust that He holds you.

felmleyfam said...

praying for you and for daisy and your other children. others see your joy even if you feel worn and tired and not full of it! God has a way of encouraging others through us even when we wonder how we could be encouraging. you are doing just that (being an example of joy in Christ during trials). We don't forget that you are mourning such a great loss, a great friend, your husband who brought you so much joy, love, care, headship, friendship. We remember you as you grieve and cling to the Savior.