Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Walk by Faith

This morning I woke up and decided to go for a walk. The weather has been incredible the last couple of months so I took advantage of the time and scooted on out the door. As I walked I prayed. I asked the Lord to calm my restless heart and to remind me that He is my husband. After praising Him for all that He has done I started to pray for specific requests.
I have been praying for there to be some resolution on the van. I have been praying for the financial side of my life to calm down. My biggest prayer request has been for a new husband.
O-kay, for some of you this is going to be a shock. How could I be already thinking of marrying again when I just lost my husband? If I could have Eric back I would do anything to make that happen but God is drawing me forward not backward. I miss Eric terribly and know that becoming a help mate to another man would not be wise at this time. But, I am praying for the man I hope God will bring into my life in the future.
Let's face is going to take an extraordinary man and a miracle on God's part. I am no longer in my twenties (or thirties for that matter!), I have six children (two of whom are from another country), I am adamant on home schooling, and my theology is a bit hard for some to swallow (reformed).
As I was praying for the things that I would love to have in a husband I started to get worried that maybe this would be too big of a task for God. When you are young they say don't settle for less than what you are looking for...can I really be that picky now? Should I really be asking for a man who makes me laugh? I love to laugh and truly love to smile....all the time. As I was walking and starting to tear up the Lord reminded me of an answer to prayer that He gave me on Sunday.
After our church service on Sunday one of our toddlers disappeared. We had an all out search for this kiddo for what seemed like forever. I saw my friend, the mother, starting to get distressed about the situation and felt the Lord telling me to go over and pray with her. I did and while I was praying I asked that if this little guy was hiding from us that he would come out of his hiding place. As we said Amen our friend's mother looked up and saw, through the window, the little guy coming out of a cabinet in a room right behind where we were standing. God answered that prayer ever so quickly. I ran into the room and scooped up the little guy hugging him all the way to his mother. We were incredibly grateful for the quick response.
So, back to my walk...the Lord reminded me that He does answer specific prayers. I just burst out in praise as I realized that He had given me this wonderful remembrance to bring peace to my heart. Isn't He awesome?
Remember at the beginning of this post I said that I had been specifically asking the Lord to solve our van problem? Our van supposedly had transmission problems and needed a replacement. I got a call this afternoon from a repair shop who did test after test to find out that there is nothing wrong with the transmission. Nothing!
I am in tears right now just thinking about His goodness and faithfulness to this very humbled servant. Needless to say, I will be walking and praying again tomorrow.


Corey said...

I've never commented on your blog before, but I read (and cry with you)every chance I get. I wanted to encourage you about your prayers for a husband.
My mom is getting married tomorrow. She was widowed almost three years ago after 32 years of marriage. She was 55. She was completely in love with my father and her heart was broken when he went to be with the Lord after suffering for many years with heart disease. She prayed for specific qualities she desired in another husband and God answered.
Corey in SC

da halls said...

Hi Heather,

I just wanted to let you know that I continue to pray for you. You are in my thoughts and on my heart a lot.

Mary Beth

L said...

Jehovah Jireh, The God Who Provides!

May God continue to show you His perfect provision for all your needs, be they a car transmission, finances or a husband.

In Him,
Recording the Faithfulness and Provision of God for Future Generations

rebecca j said...

Dear Heather,

I truly think it is a testimony to the incredible marriage you had with Eric that you would be thinking of marrying again.

May God continue to bless you sis. He is our ever present help in times of trouble (Ps. 46).

With love,

godlover said...

Heather, walks are so good for you at this time. Try to make it a point to walk a little every day during this season of grieving and before the valley heat sets in.

I agree with Rebeccaj. It is a testimony to Eric that you are considering a mate again. That Eric gave you everything you needed to have a wonderful marriage and that his death didn't turn you away from the idea. You must have loved him immensely.

Praise God for the way the van is turning out.

Now if this will publish just once this time!! And I promise never to try editting again.

Calaveras County CA

As One Voice said...

Heather ~ Walks are wonderful - exercise,fresh air and sunshine are some of the best "medicine" on earth (literally)and living through grief, your body needs every healthy boost it can get. I am continuing in prayer for all of you ~ Diana

Laurie said...

Walking and praying with you on this journey. I love that you are praying for the man that God will bring in your future. I am 60, married for 40 years and if I found myself in the same position Heather, my resume would be very limited. However, faithful mate for 40 years has to stand for something right?:) God will give you the desires of your heart as you seek Him. Just look at what He is doing day by day!! He is so faithful to show Himself to us in all things. I am praying with you.

Love, Laurie in So. Ca.

Anonymous said...

Joining all the others above and continuing in prayer for you and with you!!!
In Christs love!

The Herd said...

Thanks for your journaling...I pray that God will bring that Godly man along in the time that you are ready--even if you feel not ready or do feel ready. I also pray that you will know that your Eric approves of him too.
In the meantime, I pray that God fills you to overflowing with Himself and His love.
Karen from Texas

Carlee said...

I have been reading your blog since a few days after Eric's death. I have never commented, but I had to tell you this tonight.

At our community group tonight a question came up that was worded like this: Do you anticipate your own death and that of loved ones with hope and expectation?

The mainstream answer was "no," not at all. But my husband and I have discussed this so many times. When I have expressed fear that he will die first, or die young, he has reminded me that God ordains our days, He is never surprised, and "To live is Christ and to die is gain." Therefore, if we are inwardly focused, the answer to the question is no. But if we are focused on the Lord, eternity, and the gain of the person, the answer is a resounding yes.

I used you, your story, to say that I have read about someone who not only believes it, but is living it. And understanding death in light of eternity does not remove pain or grief, or somehow make the life or death of someone any less meaningful--rather it gives the glory to God and it enables us to turn our focus outward.

Thank you for sharing your journey. Thank you. I do not desire to go through your same trial. However, watching you live out your faith when the hardest trial comes give me encouragement that God can carry me though whatever He may bring, with a strong faith, and putting into practice the foundation that He has laid in my life.

I praise God with you for the strong family you built with Eric. I pray for your children. I have cried with you, and marveled at the grace poured out upon you as you remember God's promises, cling to His word, and push forward despite what must be an overwhelming desire to give in to grief.

Thank you for your honest display of grief and rejoicing over the death of a believer.

Lazy D Ranch said...

Thank you for the encouragement. I praise God that your mom has been given the incredible gift of marriage again. I will cling to the hope that the Lord will provide specifically what I ask as He has done for your mom. ~Lazyd

Missy said...

It brought a smile to my face to hear you say that you were praying for another husband. I have noticed that those who have lost a spouse and had a wonderful marriage tend to remarry quickly. I have a very good male friend who recently lost his wife and I fully expect to see him remarry very quickly. a matter of fact.....just kidding. I'll be praying for you.