Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Changes

Change (verb) - to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone.

Change can leave a person feeling rather good but it can also leave you feeling uncomfortable. The decision to change can leave you either relieved or sad. It is amazing how one dramatic change in my life started an avalanche of changes that I would have preferred not to have happened. I can't ask for a do-over. I can't go back in time. This one event (Eric's death) has made me have to change other parts of my life; some for the good and
some that make me very sad.

I rode a horse yesterday...my kids had never seen me ride a horse. I use to ride all the time and know well how to handle a horse (I'm a bit rusty on the bridle and saddle). I don't know why I haven't taken the opportunity...but, this was one of those good changes. As I walked out to take a picture of Miss M riding I thought about how wonderful it would be to ride again. There was no doubt in my mind that I was going to ride. You only have this moment to live in...you are not guaranteed the next. So, take every opportunity to enjoy the things you love to do but also the things you used to love to do. This, my friends, is a great change.

I have had to make another change as well...this one not so pleasant. Every year my friends would give me opportunities to make gift baskets for their business and personal gift giving. It was a chance for me to be creative...I loved it. But, this year I had to make the very difficult decision to close Daisy Fields Basket Co. indefinitely. I realized quickly that the hours that I used to spend buying and creating these gifts were no longer available. They were being taken up by other important details like finances. And, Eric played quite a big role in this company: finances and packing.
Along the lines of creativity, I have officially decided to not continue my scrapbooking. I loved the historical value of writing, cropping, and keeping albums for future generations but the time spent needs to be used in other ways. So, I will be going back to slipping photos into albums.

Another huge change for us is in the way we travel. We have a 30' trailer that we hauled around the U.S. before I realized how incredibly crazy this was! I enjoyed traveling in this trailer but am quickly realizing that when Goose goes on to bigger and better things next year I will be left with a trailer that the girls and I can not possibly take care of. It is one thing to drive the trailer and quite another to empty the tanks! At the beginning of the year I would have given a resounding "NO" to the idea of getting rid of the trailer (and eventually the van that pulls it) but as we are pulling closer to the year mark of Eric's death I am more inclined to get rid of it. We will continue to travel though...just the way we travel will have to change.


I remember listening to Larry Burkett years ago and the advice he gave to many a widow: Wait for one full year before making any financial decisions. At the beginning of this year I could not have imagined waiting a full year to either pay things off or sell them. I can now see the wisdom in his council. After you have encountered the biggest change in your life it is kind of hard to push yourself to create other changes. You think you can make a wise decision but really any choice you make will ultimately be biased toward the life you were living not the new life that you will be living.

One of the greatest changes though is in the heart. Sanctification is the ongoing work in our hearts to make us more like Christ. That is the reason why we encounter hardship and pain on this earth. God is using this life to prepare us for eternity. Some of this change is painful as well. It is hard to give up your will for the Father's. It is not an easy task to surrender your questions and doubts to the Savior. I can write and say all I want that "I don't understand but I trust". But, when my flesh decides to accept that I will never understand and that my complete trust in Him is imperitive then will I have fully
given my heart, mind, and soul to my Sovereign God.

...being confident of this very thing, that He who has began a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ. Phil 1:6


4 comments:

Daniel's Helpmeet said...

The picture of you on the horse is just beautiful! So are the pictures of your children. I know an ASL interpreter (his wife is also deaf) and it is so amazing to watch him interpret.

Your family is beautiful and we will be keeping you in our prayers as you go through these new changes and the holiday season. We are looking forward to seeing you next spring at Presbytery.

godlover said...

Hi Heather, you looked great there on your horse. You actually look like royalty upon your steed. Glad you took Larry's advice. I've heard that you shouldn't make any major decisions after the death of any member of your immediate family. I don't think any of us can think rationally when dealt a blow of that kind. That's funny because that's when there are so many decisions that have to be made. I buried my son and now I wish to high heaven that I'd had him cremated so I could have his ashes with me. Well, I can still do that in the future if it continues to bother me. Anyway, I think you are probably right about the trailer. How would you and the girls possibly manage it? Of course there's always the chance that there's someone in your future who might love a trailer. You never know.
--Marj

SB said...

Hi: I found your blog through another and I must say that your family is beautiful! Thank you for sharing them with us...

Blessings to you on this Thanksgiving Day.

Carlee said...

God's faithfulness shines through you. You have chosen to trust, chosen to believe, chosen to put one foot in front of the other, when each step carries pain and comes at a great cost--letting go of the dreams and the way of life you anticipated in exchange for new, sometimes scary ones. You continue to bless me with your love and faith in our Great God and are living proof of a person's ability to smile, love, and hope in hardship.

Thank you Lord for Heather, and the living legacy she is of Your Spirit and of Eric's influence on others. Thank you God for the testimony she is of grief and joy all mixed together. Be with this precious family God today as they remember their many blessings.