Thursday, January 15, 2009

Tests was a crazy day. I was in the middle of making some important changes for our family's finances when it became apparent that the person on the other side of the phone really didn't want to help me in my endeavor.
It was another reminder that I have been isolated from these kinds of situations by Eric. If we had a dispute with a company or needed to change cell phone plans he did it. If we needed to take on a particular business because they were ripping us off, he would make the call.
But, today I had to make the calls. I had to handle the disputes. I had to deal with the customer service rep that was oh-so-not helpful. I had to deal with the disgruntled sales person.

I felt like such a badger continuing to plead my case and asking for the one in charge. I don't know how you men (and the few women who can do the same) do it! It is down right hard to be so persistent. I was just that but as soon as I got off the phone I felt the adrenaline rush and the tears coming at me like a dam ready to burst. It is just not a part of my character to push for my way or to make waves. I would rather just give in and be the nice guy. But, in this instance, it was the principle of the matter. The company was trying to make me pay for something that was not in the original contract. I knew it and was not going to bend under the pressure...besides, I was not willing to give up $200. I did finally get them to wave the fee but wow, that was hard work!

One of the hardest parts of losing a spouse is changing over all of your accounts. It is incredibly awkward to tell the many, many companies that your husband has died. It is equally hard to answer phone calls from companies asking for your husband and then hear the dead silence on the other side of the phone when they are at a loss of words. Today I had to call a company that I had missed in the initial round of calls to change info on our accounts. My words seemed so nonchalant. I was stating facts without any emotion and that seemed so strange. I was worried that this person to whom I was speaking with would think that I didn't care that Eric was gone or that I was relieved in some way. Because this is far from the truth I feel like I have to justify my non-emotional response.

Justifying is exactly what happened to me once when the family went out to eat for Brown Sugar's birthday. An employee, seeing the presents, came over and asked whose birthday we were celebrating. We answered her question and then I went on to tell this complete stranger that their daddy, my husband died six months earlier and that we were trying to make this birthday special. Why did I feel the need to share this personal information? She didn't need to know the details of my life. As the Lord seems to continually stretch me He did that night as well. I had to repent of my pride. I wanted this gal to know that I was a widow...a widow not divorced. Yes, our marriage was something to be thankful for and yes, our marriage was righteously ended. But, that does not give me the right to place people into categories and think that the category of widowhood puts me in a position above that of divorced or single mom.

I need to live and learn the lessons that God places before me. Learning when to be aggressive and when to be silent will go a long way in one's life. Hopefully the Lord is finding me more and more faithful as I take each test.


SpejoryMama said...

Your strength is so inspiring. May God bless you for being teachable and for leaning upon Him.

MrsD/Jacque said...

I am sorry for the pain you are living in. I am also inspired by the gentle manner in which you tell these things.

Praying for you and knowing that God is your strength and peace. May He give you wisdom and understanding as well as patience as you come up against issues like these in your life.

Blessings upon you and your children.

godlover said...

I wish I had the ability to reach the clear and concise conclusions you come to when I am scrutinizing my life. Seems like I can always come up with excuses. You just cut to the chase! God bless you, Heather, I am learning so much from you. And I pray for a blessing for you for your willingness to take us all along with you on your journey through Christian growth. How blessed we are to have a God who loves us enough to reshape and transform us. And always, always love us.


Cinnamon said...

I have been following your blog for a little over a year. Right before your husband past away. Your family has been through so much and yet it is apparent through your blog that God has been there every step of the way. I have wanted to leave a message of encouragement and just say HI, but never did. The words just seem to fall by the wayside. But I have cried and rejoiced with you and oohh'd and aaah'd at your sweet children. I have prayed for you especially.

We live in Iowa now ( for the past couple years) but use to live in Ca, all over CA. We were raised in So. Cal by Magic Mountain.

Enjoy the peace and quiet this wknd and I pray that God will fill you with a vision for your family and strength for each of you as you continue to heal and grow~