Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Do You Still Cry and Other Questions

I am sure all of my readers are curious about whether or not I still cry.
Do I still weep when I think about Eric?
Not as often but sometimes as hard as I did those first few months.
There is more to grief than just saying good-bye to your love.
I said good-bye to a way of life.
I grieve for my children who lost their daddy so early on in life.
I grieve for what I thought the future would look like.
I continue to mourn for those who knew Eric and our families that have lost a son, brother, brother-in-law.

My last episode of tears was about two weeks after Phil and I were married.
At first, I felt horribly bad for Phil as I could just not hold back the tears that quickly turned to sobs. Phil held me, cried with me, and prayed for me. He understands that I must grieve...that it has only been a short time. He has always encouraged the kids and me to talk about Eric and not be afraid to cry as well. Phil is a very tender-hearted man who loves us and knows the pain of loss.
He is not intimidated by memories of Eric and I am grateful for this.
Eric was a giant of a man in character and in personality.
Phil understands this. He is a lot like Eric in that he is confident in himself.
While he appreciates Eric's legacy he has no desire to take Eric's place.
He knows that he can't.
He says quite frequently that he is a new phase of my life.
I believe that is what gives him strength to lead this family and not be intimidated by my tears.
I love him for it...and I love my heavenly Father for the gift He has given me through Phil.

A few of you wrote comments on my last post about being surprised that I was already getting married and thanking me for the explanation. You are welcome!
I'm not surprised that you were surprised! Most people can not understand how I could be ready or possibly wonder how I could be so insensitive to the memory of my late husband. When I relay my story to people I can usually detect their skepticism on whether or not I have healed enough to be married again.
The thing is I would feel the same way if I was on the other side of the situation. But, that is because when you are married you are not suppose to think about the what-ifs or desire a different spouse. You can't fathom being married to someone else because you are not suppose to fathom it!
I remember when Eric pulled me close and told me to get married right away if something were to happen to him (this was two weeks before he died) I laughed at him and told him not to talk that way. I also told him that I couldn't imagine ever getting married again.
That changed so quickly after he died. And, as I stated in the previous post, it was not because I wanted to replace Eric or was ready for marriage but because I desired to be married again...in God's timing.


Jennifer said...

Once again, thank you for being so open and honest with us (basically strangers!). All the things that you said about Phil makes it quite obvious to me that he is exactly the one God has chosen for you in this next phase of your life!
(sorry that you're getting unkind comments. I've just never understood why people feel the need to be that way)

Lazy D Ranch said...

I hope that you don't get the impression that those who left comments for me on my last post were rude or mean. Quite the contrary. I understand what they were trying to say and am thankful that I was able to answer their questions.
The person who keeps sending nasty, foul comments to me will never get published on here because I now moderate all the comments. I pray for that individual...

Anonymous said...


I read your comments with interest. I lost my husband Sept 29, 2009 after a battle with cancer. The pain loneliness and emotional trauma is deeper and greater than anyone can fathom who has not lost a mate. I am Rachel Prescott's mother. She also lost her husband last year leaving her with 6 daughters to care for.

I am glad you were able to marry again and have someone to share your life and burdens with. I am happy for you and rejoice when I see you are having times of joy in the midst of your grief.

Sincerely, Marleta boone

Rose said...

It sounds like GOD sent you a GEM just when you when you needed one!

Milli Mayo said...

Thank you so much for this. I found your blog through a friend. I lost my husband 9 months before you lost Eric. I remarried a year ago and have faced the same questions. I still love my first husband, but the Lord sent me an amazing man that understands and loves me and my children.