Friday, July 20, 2012

I Just Don't Fit In

Do you ever feel this way?  Recently, I have felt it more and more often.  
As Jennifer P. and I were getting our nails done we started talking about our older daughters.
Now, I am going to walk out on a limb and probably surprise some of you on either side of the aisle by saying that I don't necessarily fall into the "girls must stay home and work for their dad until they get married" group. 
I mean, really, wouldn't this be grand?  
But, is it realistic?  
My girls do not have a dad here on would this play out for them?  
And, always we must ask, is it Biblical?  
Now, let me say, I do not fall to the opposite side of this issue either.  
I am not in harmony with those who think that it is quite okay sending our young gals away to some University with the grand conclusion of bucket loads of debt and the indoctrination of feminist notions.
So, where do I fit in?  Are there others out there that feel like they are living in some kind of 
"no-man's land"?
I guess, if there was a pendulum on this particular issue I would fall a tad bit closer to the conservative side but much closer to the middle.  

I would rather my girls all stay here until they were fact, that is what we ask of them.
Even if they don't understand that we are trying to protect them, we do have the practical, financial aspect on our side.  
But, if I have learned anything in the past twenty-three years of parenting, it is that I had no idea what I was talking about when my children were little!  
When my girls were little we did think that they should stay home and help their dad out with the family business and until there were gents asking to court they needed to help out their mom and other stressed out mothers in their spare time.
Now that my children are growing up and the next two are quickly becoming adults as the first have already done, I find that I have changed my tune a bit.  
I have always taught my girls to be godly wives and loving mothers.
But, I have also taught them that they should have something they can do, job wise, that would allow them to help out the family economy.
For my oldest it is becoming a massage therapist.
For Miss M it is becoming a midwife.
For Daisy it will more than likely mean putting together international touring groups or traveling with families to other parts of the world (as she will be doing this coming fall...more on that later).

I want them to spread their intellectual wings and fly away from the nest...but not too far! 
*That (but not too far) was a selfish remark based on the current situation of my oldest, Becca, living on the other side of the Continent!*
I want them to continue to learn and not just sit around waiting for Mr. Right.
I want them to grow through experiences and especially while they are home and I can help them through it all.
But, most importantly, I want them to do what God has uniquely equipped them to do.
That is going to look much different for each gal which means each family will take different approaches.
For the longest time I didn't want to tell people around me that Miss M was planning on going to school in the Philippines.  First off, she is going away to school (big no-no in the first group) and second of all she was headed to a foreign country, living outside our home for two years (another big no-no in the first group).  After a while though, I realized that this is not only what she wants to do but she has done the research and the place is the best place to learn the art of midwifery.  

Have you looked at the title of this blog lately?  You know, as I was sitting here writing the key word that came to my mind was deliberate.  
Here is another issue that shows us a great example of how to live deliberately.  
For me, living in the "no-man's land" without worry of what others might think will only happen when I continuously remind myself that every situation, every decision must ultimately be a decided deliberately and biblically.



Meg said...

Heather, you are so right. Thank you for saying what you said. You are a wise mom in encouraging your children to follow God's leading and not the leading of men.

Meg said...

Heather, you are so right. Thank you for saying what you said. You are a wise mom in encouraging your children to follow God's leading and not the leading of men.

Blessings Farm said...

AMEN... beautifully said..
and fyi..
you are not alone in
"no mans land"

walking down a straight & narrow path..
following after Jesus.. learning as I go

Sommer said...

Love your honesty here Heather. I think I may fall more in that no-man's land than I would have liked to admit. Of course hubby and I are still a work in progress and our children are rather young...but I still believe we don't quite fit the mold of either strict camp. Thanks for sharing :-)


Sara said...

I wish I could just sit with you face-to-face and hear all the wisdom you've learned the last 23 years of parenting. Thanks for sharing.

Vanderpolclan said...

Thanks for this post Heather. We are almost at the stage of our oldest daughter being finished school and are on the fence also.

I have a friend who's daughter is also going to the Philippines for midwifery. She is not going til next year, but I wonder if it is the same program. Interesting....


Ginger said...

All three of those are the common thinking in my area; I didn't realize it was no-man's-land to offer our daughters the opportunity to earn money while not having to pursue a college degree (and all the debt that comes with it).
We are encouraging our daughters to bake cakes, take photography, or whatever else floats their boat that would not compete with marriage & motherhood (*if* it's God's will for them to marry and have children).