Monday, July 9, 2012

When One Miscarries

We were on our month long trip to Colorado when I noticed that I was suddenly free from morning sickness.   I was ten weeks along and it was just gone.
At first we were very thankful because I was dreading the long road trips ahead...hours and hours of driving while feeling yucky.
But, our thankfulness turned into prayers of protection over the baby that was growing in my womb.

A few weeks later I began to spot....nothing crazy but definitely something that made me a bit worried since this was something I had never experienced before.  
So, I went on bed rest for the rest of our trip and laid low while the family went out hiking and enjoying the many wonders in creation.

When we arrived home I made an appointment with an OB/GYN that someone had recommended.  When she performed the ultrasound she could not find the heartbeat.  But, she wanted to be sure that she was seeing things right so she sent us to the hospital where we confirmed that there was no heart beat and although I was at 14 weeks gestation the baby died around 9 weeks.  

The doctor sent me home with some medicine to induce labor.  And, on June 29th at 11pm our little baby was born.  Our baby was perfectly formed with little fingers and toes, two sweet eyes, and the mouth wide open.  It was quite amazing and really shook me.

I have been pro-life since the day I found out what that meant.  I have always believed that a baby is born at the moment of conception.  I have seen all the pictures.  I have mourned along side many friends who have miscarried before me.
But, that moment I held our baby in the palm of my hand, was life changing.  
Our baby was given 63 days of life (or somewhere around that number) on this earth.  
But, that little one is an eternal soul that will someday be given a new, perfected body.

So, why don't we celebrate that life? 
I'm not saying that we should have a full on funeral or memorial service...
but, what I am saying is that it shouldn't be such a private matter.
Our church prays for those who are pregnant...I want to ask that we add to the list those who just miscarried their child.  
It is in the face of death that we need the support of our church community, family, and matter what the age of the child.
Do we truly believe that every single conception is a child?
And, yes, I know all too well how hard it is to be vulnerable.
I know all too well how hard it is to cry in front of others.
I know all too well how hard it is to be happy for others when you have faced such a loss.
But, it is in that vulnerability, those tears, and those struggles that we find growth not just for us but for the body of believers.  
It bind the hearts of believers together like nothing else can.


I have eight that is no longer on this earth.
I have two grand that in no longer on this earth.
I am blessed...and I know it.


Melinda said...

I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage! I miscarried a baby last December. Nothing can describe how painful it is to lose a child that way. You're right that miscarriage is considered a private matter. That has troubled me some. I wanted people to grieve with me then. Now, I remember and praise God for that little life that was here on earth for such a short time.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful Heather and well said! I am truly blessed to be able to mourn with you. Thank you for being vulnerable and trusting in the Lord in such a way as to live out that vulnerability! If we as believers truly lived out the one another verses, oh how the light of Christ would shine! I am looking forward to meeting this little one someday when she/he is in your arms while our Lord's arms are wrapped around you!

Loads of love,

Abundantly Blessed said...

Bless your heart! I am so very sorry! I have had 2 miscarriages of my own and they are definitely not an easy thing to go through. May the Lord continue to hold you and your family in His hands.

Love and blessings,

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I will be praying for you and your family.



Sara said...

I am sorry for your loss and blessed by your words.

kiki said...

I am so sorry to read about your miscarriage ! Praying for you & your family as you grieve.


Jen L. said...

Praying for you and Phil! I had a miscarriage 6 years ago and chose to memorialize him/her by naming him/her. When people ask me how many children I have I don't say, "5 but one's in heaven." But in my heart I know! Thank you for being open and transparent.

Kristi said...

I am so sorry! I have been through miscarriages and none of them were easy. The hardest in many ways was when we lost identical twin girls at 14 weeks. We have 4 babies in heaven total. But, we are so blessed. God has given us 5 children here on earth! May God bless you and your family!