We were on our month long trip to Colorado when I noticed that I was suddenly free from morning sickness. I was ten weeks along and it was just gone.
At first we were very thankful because I was dreading the long road trips ahead...hours and hours of driving while feeling yucky.
But, our thankfulness turned into prayers of protection over the baby that was growing in my womb.
A few weeks later I began to spot....nothing crazy but definitely something that made me a bit worried since this was something I had never experienced before.
So, I went on bed rest for the rest of our trip and laid low while the family went out hiking and enjoying the many wonders in creation.
When we arrived home I made an appointment with an OB/GYN that someone had recommended. When she performed the ultrasound she could not find the heartbeat. But, she wanted to be sure that she was seeing things right so she sent us to the hospital where we confirmed that there was no heart beat and although I was at 14 weeks gestation the baby died around 9 weeks.
The doctor sent me home with some medicine to induce labor. And, on June 29th at 11pm our little baby was born. Our baby was perfectly formed with little fingers and toes, two sweet eyes, and the mouth wide open. It was quite amazing and really shook me.
I have been pro-life since the day I found out what that meant. I have always believed that a baby is born at the moment of conception. I have seen all the pictures. I have mourned along side many friends who have miscarried before me.
But, that moment I held our baby in the palm of my hand, was life changing.
Our baby was given 63 days of life (or somewhere around that number) on this earth.
But, that little one is an eternal soul that will someday be given a new, perfected body.
So, why don't we celebrate that life?
I'm not saying that we should have a full on funeral or memorial service...
but, what I am saying is that it shouldn't be such a private matter.
Our church prays for those who are pregnant...I want to ask that we add to the list those who just miscarried their child.
It is in the face of death that we need the support of our church community, family, and friends...no matter what the age of the child.
Do we truly believe that every single conception is a child?
And, yes, I know all too well how hard it is to be vulnerable.
I know all too well how hard it is to cry in front of others.
I know all too well how hard it is to be happy for others when you have faced such a loss.
But, it is in that vulnerability, those tears, and those struggles that we find growth not just for us but for the body of believers.
It bind the hearts of believers together like nothing else can.
I have eight children...one that is no longer on this earth.
I have two grand children...one that in no longer on this earth.
I am blessed...and I know it.