Friday, February 29, 2008

Soundtrack of Life

As in a movie I seem to have a soundtrack that plays in my head. I call it my soundtrack of life. It seems to me that God uses music to corral my thoughts, open my eyes, give me peace, and encourage me. I can not tell you how often I have been in a particular situation and a song just happens to come on that the Holy Spirit uses to calm me or remind me whose I am.
I have been grateful for "my soundtrack" during this incredibly hard time so I thought I would share a couple of the songs that have been floating through my head this past couple of weeks.

You have lead me to the sadness I have carried this pain
On my back, bruised and nearly broken
I'm crying out to You
[chorus]I will sing of Your mercy
That leads me through valleys of sorrow
To rivers of joy
When death, like a gypsy
Comes to steal what I love
I will still look to the heavens
I will still seek Your face
But I fear You aren't listening
Because there are no words
Just the stillness and the hunger
For a faith that is Yours
While we wait for rescue
With our eyes tightly shut
Face to the ground, using our hands
To cover the fatal cut
Though the pain is an ocean
Tossing us around, around, around
You have calmed greater waters
Higher mountains have come down
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you
And the waves will not overcome you
Do not fear, for I have redeemed you
I have called you by name, you are mine
For I am the Lord your God...I am the Holy One of Israel, Your Savior...
I am the not fear
...All that is within me cries for You alone be glorified,
Emmanuel God with us,
My heart sings a brand new song, the debt is paid these chains are gone,
Emmanuel God with us.
I can count a million times
People asking me how I Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
(Chorus) So I pray...Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain
I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray...chorus
Holy, holy, holyIs the Lord God Almighty
On days of gray when doubt clouds my view
Its so hard to see past my fears
My strength seems to fade and its all I can do
To hold on, til the light reappears
Still, I believe though some rains bound to fall
That you're here next to me and you're over it all
(chorus)Lord, the skys still blue for my hope is in you
You're my joy, You're the dream that's still alive
With the wind at my back and the sun on my face
You are life, You're grace, You are blue
When nights are long seems the dark has no end
Still we walk on in light of the truth
For waiting beyond where the morning begins
Is the dawn, and you're mercy anew
Oh, to believe we're alive in you're love
There is so much to see ff we keep looking up
Every morning that break, there are mercies anew
Every breath that I take is your faithfulness proved
and at the end of each day when my labors are through
I will sing of Your mercies anew
(chorus) And Your mercies they will never end
For ten thousand years they remain
and when this world's beauty has passed away
Your mercies will be unchanged
And when the storms swirl and rage there are mercies anew
in affliction and pain You will carry me through
and at the end of my days,when Your throne fills my view
I will sing of Your mercies anew
Have I bored you yet? I could go on and on.
I haven't even included the zillion hymns that run through my head minute by minute.
I am truly grateful to the Author of music.


Elizabeth said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Elizabeth said...

Probably without knowing, you are touching so many lives through your personal tragedy. I am one.

I had stumbled upon your blog weeks ago while looking for Christian homeschooling moms. I began reading your story prior to your loss. I bookmarked your page and come back from time to time to follow your story and lend my prayers. Today I find it no coincidence that I came back. My family is on the brink of losing my amazing mother-in-law to cancer. I have been feeling very weary and weak. It has been such a tough couples of months in our household. But as I read your post today, I felt a little less alone. The songs you post are songs I am familar with but haven't heard in a long time. I brought such a sense of peace to my heart to read and listen to those words.

I admire your vulnerablity and your strength to share with people like myself, hundreds and hundreds of miles away. I continue to pray for you and your family. I have called the prayer beeper muliple times. God's love is so much stronger than our own and in that we can find the strength to carry on.

Thank you once again for sharing with us.

My love and prayers to you and yours,

Elizabeth - Ohio

DeusPrimus said...

Very nice. I believe there is a way to set the width so that it does not extend past the side of your blog, but we can take care of that later!


Laurie said...

I am praying for you today as you go through this valley you are in. I am thankful for your "Soundtrack of Life" that ministers to you in this most difficult time. It truly is the Holy Spirit holding you up in His heart, letting you know that you are not alone. Praying that this time will be gentle and loving for you in every way. I am so sorry for what you are going through.

Love, Laurie in So. Ca.

felmleyfam said...

wow, the mercy me song seems like it has just the right words. thank you for sharing. God is so good and so thoughtful. Yesterday when I left a hymn on my comment it was really this one I was thinking of! What is neat is how the Lord has brought you to mind during different songs and now today I am blessed to learn about how music ministers to you. What a sweet Lord to knit the hearts of believers together in prayer. If you want to hear the melody there is a website called that will play this hymn (and 1000's of others).


“I will extend peace to her like a river, and the wealth of nations like a flooding stream.” Isaiah 66:12

[Frances R. Havergal (1836-1879)]
Frances R. Havergal (1836-1879)
Words: Fran­ces R. Ha­ver­gal, 1876; first ap­peared in Hymns of Con­se­cra­tion and Faith.

Music: Wye Val­ley, James Mount­ain, 1876 (MI­DI, score).

Like a river glorious, is God’s perfect peace,
Over all victorious, in its bright increase;
Perfect, yet it floweth, fuller every day,
Perfect, yet it groweth, deeper all the way.


Stayed upon Jehovah, hearts are fully blest
Finding, as He promised, perfect peace and rest.

Hidden in the hollow of His blessed hand,
Never foe can follow, never traitor stand;
Not a surge of worry, not a shade of care,
Not a blast of hurry touch the spirit there.


Every joy or trial falleth from above,
Traced upon our dial by the Sun of Love;
We may trust Him fully all for us to do.
They who trust Him wholly find Him wholly true.

Today we focused on your relationship with your children and their relationship with eachother and with the Lord..."Lord please give Heather wisdom as she parents, as she guides her children. May she have patience and eyes that are fixed on you so that she knows all that she needs to do. May the children look toward you and not away from you in anger; may your character be a balm for their soul. May they not fight against one another but reach out toward eachother as well as accept the thoughtful things that their siblings do for them, not being too proud to admit despair and heartache but being humble and willing to bear their deep sorrow with one another. Thank you Lord for giving them to one another and for the blessings of the womb and the heart! We are so glad to be able to call on you and be heard by you. We love you Lord. Amen.

Praying for you!

As One Voice said...

A chorus I have found especially soothing is:

Your love upheld me
Your arms surround me
When my soul was heavy
You lifted me.

Yes, Your love upholds me
I need not worry
Your love endures forever
You will always love me.

Blessed to belong to the Master ~
Continuing in prayer ~ Diana

monica said...

Heather, Boo, Goose, Miss M, Daisy, Lil'Cowboy, Brown Sugar:

You are all in our prayers multiple times throughout the day. We think of you often and what you must be doing or how you are feeling. It is so comforting to know that there are so many people praying for you and that we have a Father who answers prayers. He is our strength when we are weak. Thank you for your diligence in keeping all of us updated in the midst of your pain. It is good to know specifically what it is that you are needing at the present time on top of what we are already praying for. I don't know how you are feeling from experience but I am a single mom and know how difficult and lonley it can be. Keep your eyes and heart focused on God and He will fill that gap. We love you all and are so thankful that God lead us to you.

Ephesians 3:16-19
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Micah 5:4-5
He will stand and shepherd his flock in the strength of the Lord, in the majesty of the name of the Lord his God. And they will live securely, for then his greatness will reach to the ends of the earth. And He will be their peace.

Dear Heavenly Father we lift up Heather, Boo, Goose, Miss M, Daisy, Lil' Cowboy, Brown Sugar to you and ask that you would bring them peace, strength, comfort during this grieving process. Lord what a great comfort it is to know that Eric is home with you but still very difficult to be the ones left behind. We thank you for taking our pain and replacing it with your love oh soverign God.
I cry with Heather as I read her updates and rejoice with her as I witness the works you are doing in her. Lord I ask that you cover them all with a blanket of love from all who are praying so that they may feel our hugs from all over the map. Lord I thank you for giving her such blessings that can help her in difficult times. We thank you for Boo holding her hand when Eric would have, for Goose taking his mom out for Valentines, for the difficult yet needed conversation that her and Daisy had and for being all present Lord. We pray that Miss M will be able to use the gift of writing that you gave her to heal and that Lil' Cowboy will continue to grow in his faith and knowledge of you and know this is his family, and for Brown Sugar, who has been a comfort and an example of the little ones you speak of, that she too will grow eager to serve you. Thank you Lord for always being there and carrying us through. Amen

Much Love and Many Hugs,
Monica and Xavier

dp23 said...

Thanks for the music

Jordan said...

Like you, music really speaks to me. I found this song especially helpful.

Laurie said...

Just stopping by this morning to see how you are and let you know I am praying for you during this time. Asking Him to meet your every need and gently lead you through with His strength and grace.

Laurie in So. Ca.

KeepItSimple said...

Like others have said before me, though I don't know you or your precious children personally, I have cried with you and prayed for you. You are an incredible woman. I stop by from time to time to 'see' how you are doing, and your faith is amazing. Through your grief, and that of your family's, you are challenging many to a closer walk with our Lord and Savior - thank you.

Thank you for being open, transparent, and willing to share during this time.

May the Lord continue to comfort you, uplift you, and hold you tightly during this season -

Mary said...

What a blessing to read your words. My daughter Jill told me of this site and encouraged me to visit as she has had contact with you before. My husband died almost 5 years ago and as I read your words I is strangely comforting realizing I am not the only one to have some of the same thoughts. It truly is lonely without my husband. He was only 51 years old and we thought we would grow old together. It is very hard to describe to others the feelings we have. I know I always have their sympathy but know they don't fully understand. The oddness of waking up hearing someone crying and then taking a few minutes to realize that it was myself crying. Or the time I was sure my husband tapped me on the leg while I was sleeping in our bed telling me to move over, and I did, until it suddenly realized that it really wasn't happening but that I had dreamed it and I was wide awake for hours because it seemed so real. The journey truly is the hardest I've ever traveled. I have great peace that our awesome Lord carries me moment by moment and gives me strength that I know I myself could not muster. I choose to count the blessings of being one with my husband for 27 years. The ache is definitely there and I daily feel that now I truly understand what being one really meant. Most days I do feel like I am incomplete and that I am just not what I was when I had my husband. The Lord truly is wonderful and I am very greatful that He has been by constant companion through this journey. I have said as hard as my journey has been, I have a difficult time knowing how others who don't know the Lord cope with their loss. Well anyway, thank you for being so uplifting through your most difficult journey. It would be great if I could give you a hug in person and tell you I do understand your pain but since that isn't likely to happen, I hope you will feel strength knowing you have encouraged me on my journey. Remember you are never truly alone. We have an awesome God who truly truly loves us more than we can imagine. Share your memories of your husband often with your children. I try to talk of my husband to my adult children and my grandchildren often. Make a memory book of pictures and stories your children remember well at this point. Down the road it will mean so much to them and to their children some day. We had a memory book at the funeral home and had friends and family write down memories they recalled about my husband. It truly has been a blessing. Well as you can see I would love to talk more. Know you are in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless Mary