Last night it hit me. The tears just kept coming uncontrollably. I really had no idea that one could cry so much! And, then they rolled down my cheeks all day today.
I have read and re-read every single comment and the words of encouragement that have been left have become a source of strength for this very weary heart.
I don't feel very strong at the moment but feel much more like a two year old who isn't getting her way. As I cry out to God in my agony I question why this had to happen to me. Why did he have to take Eric home when I need him so much down here? Why is Brown Sugar going to grow up without a daddy? Why will my girls have to walk down the aisle with their brother rather than their father? How could He think that I could handle mothering six children by myself? And yet my questions are already answered in the sweet peace of the Holy Spirit. On earth I will never know why He chose to take Eric home but He sure is getting a lot of glory out of it. Brown Sugar and the rest of our girls were never suppose to have Eric around to walk them down the aisle or any of the other things that daddy's do with their children. And, God has promised that He will be my husband and the father to my precious children. He loves us much more than we can ever imagine. All that being said, I don't understand but I trust His hand.
As I sit here writing I can't help but cry once more. Let me just say that this is, by far, the worst anguish that I have ever felt and my Savior knows such anguish. He is familiar with sorrow, pain, and death.
Such a paradox to be grieving on one hand and yet be rejoicing on the other. The pain seems unbearable at times but I continue to praise Him. I suppose I wanted to write this post not so you would understand my pain but that you would know that even in His strength I am feeling the pain. I am weak but He is strong. I am unable to handle this grief on my own but His strength is perfect.
Take courage by the reigns...don't let go. If you are going through a trial or a struggle in your life walk in His strength and courage. It will do your soul good (as it does mine) and also give Him glory.