Tuesday, February 12, 2008

So, How Are The Kiddos?

I have had a few friends ask how the kiddos are doing with this upheaval in their lives. I must say that the foundation that Eric built for our family has endured this "earthquake" and has made us stronger. I have seen our kids come together and rally behind one another. There have been many tears and yet many hugs.
How about a run down on each child?
Boo was very, very close to her daddy. She, of course, has had many more years with him and the bond was strong. She has shed many tears and yet has really shown how strong she is in Christ. She believes and trust God's promises. She is the one that is most attentive to me. She will come up and hold my hand when Eric use to. She is quite a comfort to me and I think that in this way we are sharing our grief together. I believe that she will struggle when we go on our first trip away or when we go do something that would have daddy written all over it. But, she will come and squeeze my hand and we will struggle through it together.
Goose is being very brave right now. I don't think it has really hit him yet. I gave all the children writing tablets and encouraged them to write their memories, letters to Eric, and draw pictures of their feelings. I have not seen what Goose has written but I am sure this will be the most profitable way for him to grieve. He is a bit like me...he would rather grieve in private and not in front of a whole group of people. He has also taken up running with our Pastor and his kids. Running is a great way to relieve your body of stress.
Miss M was hit hard today. She moped around and was very teary. She is very accepting of hugs and is very cuddly right now...this is not her normal self as many of my friends would attest to. She is also sleeping a lot. I reminded her of her writing tablet and encouraged her to get her thoughts down on paper since she is a wonderful writer.
Daisy is her joyful self. She is the one I have been most concerned about because she saw Eric collapse. Her writing tablet is a quarter of the way full of pictures of her and her daddy. She wrote out what happened that Friday and has some other sweet things written in there about her daddy. She is the most like his personality which was much less emotional. I also have some workbooks about death that we received at the hospital which we will be going through. Thankfully, our dear missionary friend from Canada browsed through them and let me know of anything that went against what we believe.
Lil' Cowboy has cried many tears over the past few weeks. By the way, today is exactly two weeks since Eric's passing into Glory. Anyway, Lil' Cowboy has given us some concern because of a couple of things he has said. He asked our next door neighbor if he could call him dad now. This would be cute if it was a child that was not adopted but not so cute when you are trying to bond to an adopted child. We settled on uncle instead of dad. He also told Daisy that he was not her brother but rather her step-brother...he doesn't even know what a step-brother is but he does know that it means something different than a brother. He also told us that he was not a Davis. I have had some long talks with him and am so grateful that he has an older brother to look up to. I am sure it will be all right...we continue to draw him into our family and hope he accepts us.
Brown Sugar is not oblivious to what is going on around her. She senses something is different. Nana and Papa are here, friends and family are pouring in and out the door daily, and daddy has not come home. I continue to tell her that daddy loves her and that he is living with Jesus. She has also started to act up a bit more so I am having to really be consistant even when I am exhausted from crying. It is a trying time and yet I know that consistantly disciplining and nurturing her will mean many sweet year ahead.
Such a long post....sorry about that. I hope this answers some questions on how the kids are doing. The National Cemetary is giving a national burial for Eric this Friday. On the same day I plan to present the children with a book to cherish. For the girls I bought Cinderella: The Love of a Daddy and His Princess by Steven Curtis Chapman. For Nate I am buying Grandpa's Box: Retelling the Biblical Story of Redemption by Starr Meade because he is now taking on the duties of leading us in family worship. And, for Lil' Cowboy I bought My ABC Bible Verses by Susan Hunt.
~Lazyd

25 comments:

kymk99 said...

Heather,

Thanks for sharing about the kids. Their writing tablets will be treasures for them and for you in the years to come. Kelsey and I just prayed for you all as I said goodnight to her.

Your family will LOVE Grandpa's Box. My kids couldn't wait to hear the next day's reading everytime.

I pray that God will continue to give you the words you need to comfort the kids as you continue on.

Yvonne :o)

Sue said...

Heather,
God is giving you such wisdom as you deal with the grief of your children. The fact that you are allowing them to see you grieve is so important. So many parents in your situation tend to be so hurt that they forbid the children to even speak of the missing parent. I have been praying specifically that our Father would give you abundant wisdom for your babies (even the teenage ones!) and he is certainly doing just that. He is using them to help you as well. You should be very proud of them. Thank you so much for sharing your family with all of us. God brings you and your family to my mind all day long ... we are still praying and will continue to do so. (One of the pager beeps around midnight is me ... that is when I am going to bed, and am praying that you will sleep well.)
Your sister in Christ,
Sue Rasmussen

All 8 of Us said...

Praying still...it is encouraging to see how the Lord is meeting each of your children and giving you wisdom in dealing with the issues as they arise. Will be praying for you on Friday as I'm sure it will be a very challenging day to get through.

Thanks for sharing your heart and allowing us to see the hand of God at work in the midst of such sadness.
Blessings,kathi

Joy said...

Thank you for posting about your kids! I've been wondering how they were doing am praying for them (and you) a lot!
Love,
Joy

Uncle R said...

H, Did you get my e-mail, Uncle R

Erin said...

Again...no words. Actually this time I started to write but promptly erased my thoughts as they hold no merit. I will continue to bring your pain to our God and pray that he continues to be your strength.

Praying...because that's all I have to offer.

Laurie said...

Praying for you and your children today. Your kids sound wonderful and very unique in personality. Asking God to hold you and give you peace during this time and to draw you closer than ever before as a family.
And asking Him to give you the strength and comfort that you need each day, for the day and to meet your every need.

Love, Laurie in So. Ca.

Mountain Mama said...

Thanks so much for the update on each of your children. Our family prays for you daily. Now we can pray a bit more specific.

You are an awesome Mom doing an awesome job walking this journey with your children.

ashley in snowy mtns of Utah

Jennifer said...

Heather;

Thanks for letting us know how the kids are doing. I had just been thinking about them and wondering that very thing. Our family continues to pray for your family each day.

You are doing an amazing job and are an amazing mother. Kudos on keeping up with Brown Sugar's training. I know it is easy to want to just kind of "check-out" emotionally right now.

Journaling is an amazing gift and I am sure that each of you will reap the benefits and blessings in different ways.

Jennifer A.

As One Voice said...

The mourning process is so very different for each individual and it is a precious gift to your children that you know this and have given them the liberty to mourn (or not) as it comes to them.

I cannot relate exactly to your situation, but I have traveled the path of deep mourning. As you share, I can't help but think of how familiar the terrain is, even tho' so many years have past. The anguish, the profound emptiness, the dumbfounded sense of non-reality, the literally endless supply of tears, the numb days, the long nights - the memories are as real as if it were yesterday, tho' the pain has healed.

I was thinking about my sweet little brother's funeral last night as I prayed for you and remembered a precious word of advice a dear Christian lady offered me in the midst of my efforts to stay strong for those around me. She had known me from my youth and seemed to instinctively understand my thin efforts at bravery and strength. She gently took me aside, took both my hands in hers, looked into my eyes and softly said, "The tears will come and the tears will go. But if they never come, they will never go." Then she held me close, gave me a sad sort of smile that said she truly understood, and moved on to comfort another. That was just what I needed, not only the liberty to mourn but the need to walk through and not avoid the valley of mourning.

Like you, I clung to the Savior, tho' I usually clung like a frightened, wounded child. Most days, I could do no more than cling, being very weak indeed. In looking back, I realize that "clinging" is another word for "trusting" and that in my weakness His strength was revealed.

Tho' we have never met, I am drawn to you and the wonderful testimony of God's grace in your lives as you walk through this valley together. We bring you before the throne of grace many times daily.

May the peace that passes all understanding and the gracious strength and comfort of our Lord be your portion moment by moment.

Love in Christ ~ Diana Ortega

howiesgal said...

Heather~ my dear friend, You know how much I love and adore all your kids. Their dad has raised them so well and going thorugh a trial such as this just shows what a great job you are doing. Your kids hold their faith so close and dear to their hearts, they are a shining example of God's love and faithfulness.
~Caroline

Teaqueen said...

Heather,
This is my first time posting. I received your blog address from a friend, and have been reading for a week or so. You are my first thought each morning and prayers go up to the Father for you. Thank you for the updates on your children--will be praying for them too!

btw, I might know you...you and I attended the same church awhile back.

Love in Christ,
Lynne
The California Tea Queen

Three weeks ago a dear friend of mine died of cancer. Before her death we read the following scripture together and it hugely blessed both of us:

He will swallow up death for all time, And the Lord GOD will wipe tears away from all faces, And He will remove the reproach of His people from all the earth; For the LORD has spoken.
And it will be said in that day, "Behold, this is our God for whom we have waited that He might save us. This is the LORD for whom we have waited; Let us rejoice and be glad in His salvation."
~~Isaiah 25:8,9~~

Cindy said...

Continuing to pray.Your updates are so cherished and give me direction how to pray. With love and sympathy, Cindy in West Texas

anika said...

Hi, you don't know me... A friend shared your blog with me... Me and mine are praying here for your and yours.... Thankful to know you, even if only in cyberworld.
you are loved
<>< anika

monica said...

Heather,

Thank you so much for sharing about the kids now we know some names to call them by when we pray. It is so apparent that God is with you and providing you with strength. What wonderful ideas you have to help your children through this very difficult time. You are an awesome mom and they are very lucky to have you. We will be praying for lil'cowbody and that he will find his place with you is permanent even in the midst of this drastic change. Please give all the kids hugs for us and have them give you one also. You are all very loved.

Monica and Xavier

Juloyes said...

crying and praying and not knowing what to say...

BelovedPeace said...

We are still praying for you all! I will especially pray for Lil' Cowboy as it sounds like he is having a really hard time. :-(
With Love to you all,
Amy

Shannon said...

I don't know you, I've only been reading your blog for a little while. Just wanted you to know that I have prayed for you and cried with you. I am so sad for you all, but seeing your strong testimony through this is just amazing. I'm so glad that God is in control and you are looking to Him for strength.
~Shannon

Quinne said...

Hi Heather :)
I am coming to you by way of Kendra's PNP.

I am praying for you and believing the Father with you.

Love in Christ, Q

onlyavessel said...

Hi Heather,
I never blog or read blogs...until now. I am so pitiful at this that I had to create an account to message you and then recreate one because I forgot my password. I typed you several little messages and ultimately gave up until just now. I have a new account of which I undoubtedly will forget that password as well. None-the-less your family is often on my mind. I wrote you a letter at 5:00 am, which I will send as soon as I locate your email address.
I know I am not the only unskilled blogger out there and I pray for you much more often than I remember to page you. So my unscientific conclusion would be that thousands of prayers are being lifted up for your family every day.
You always made me cry when you sang "How Beautiful..." May you see the beauty of the body Christ as his people continue to surround you with love.

Jonelle

Lisa said...

We have prayed every night for you and your family. We will now say an extra prayer for Lil Cowboy! Bless his sweet heart.

Ron, Jen, & Isabella Barredo said...

Heather,
Praying that Jesus will comfort you today as only he can. Thank you for sharing and being so transparent.

Blessings,
Jen

Rebeca said...

Thanks for sharing how your precious children are doing. You are all sharing your grief, and will share in the process of healing, together, and that's a beautiful thing. Thanks also for being so honest in sharing your own pain. You and the children are in my prayers.
I went through a couple of miscarriages and I remember reading, around the time of the second one, the verses where Jesus said "Come unto me all who are weary and heavy laden....etc." I cried out to Him that the yoke didn't seem easy or light, and I was reminded that though the circumstances may be heavy and hard, when we are yoked to Him He shares the pain and the burden. I can't begin to imagine what you are going through, but I pray that you continue to walk closely with Him, and I know you will find Him faithful.
With love,
Rebeca

S & C & C's Gram said...

I am in awe. Bless you all.

Fantastic Four said...

I don't know what to say. I have read your blog several times and have cried each time. I am so sorry...to you and your family for such a huge loss. Your faith is beautiful and I love that you are so open with your emotions. You have a gorgeous family. I look forward to new posts and will continue to pray for you and your children.