Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Yet Will I Praise Him...

O LORD, you have searched me and known me! 2You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. 3You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. 4Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether. 5 You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it.
7Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? 8If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! 9If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, 10even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. 11If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,"12even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.
13For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. 14I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. 15My frame was not hidden from you,when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. 16Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me
( and Eric!), when as yet there was none of them.
17How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! 18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you.
Our church celebrates each Lord's day with a liturgy filled with the reading of God's Word. This past Sunday we repeated the words in Psalm 139. There are many reasons to love this psalm but the one thing that draws me to it right now is the fact that God's sovereignty is written all over it. This is the sound doctrine that I stand firm in. I would waver and ultimately fall if I did not rely on the incredible knowledge that God, in His perfect plan, called Eric home. He knew full well that January 29th was to be Eric's last day on this earth.
I struggled today as I saw Goose walk up the sidewalk. It was out of the corner of my eye and for one split second my heart jumped as I thought it was Eric. But, my mind overruled my heart and I came crashing down. It was one of those beautiful days that Eric loved. A day where he would have come bouncing in after finishing up the pools, given me a kiss, and then walked right back outside to work in the yard and play with the kids.
As I finished up the piano lesson I was teaching I felt trapped. I just wanted to escape the pain and run far away. My mind though reminded me that the pain would still be there when I got back so it would be better to deal with it.
I have found Him faithful when I go straight to the Word or when I begin to sing praises to His name. So, that is what our family did tonight. We got the song books out and started singing. Even though it is still painful to do things (like this) that we did so often with Eric it is healing at the same time. We enjoyed ourselves and almost immediately
felt the Lord showering us with peace.
Tomorrow...more paper work, a trip to see the Insurance man, many more calls to make.
~Lazyd

9 comments:

Mrs. Jeannie Mitchell said...

Dear Heather,
Well put! My prayers are with you.
Blessings,
Jeannie

homeskoolmom5883 said...

{{{{Oh Heather}}}}

S & C & C's Gram said...

Heather, what can I say? Lord be with you.

You are often on my heart.

dp23 said...

What time I am afraid, I will trust in Thee. In God I will praise His word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me....Thou tellest my wanderings: put Thou my tears into Thy bottle: are they not in Thy book? ....Thy vows are upon me, O God: I will render praises unto Thee. For Thou hast delivered my soul from death: wilt not Thou deliver my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of the living? (Psalm 56)
Heather - may you be enabled to trust and praise Him yet more for His sovereign grace and unfailing love.
David

As One Voice said...

"Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you." Isaiah 46:4

Thinking of you often and praying for you all ~ Diana

Laurie said...

On this Good Friday, May you and your family be blessed beyond measure for your faithfulness. I think of you often and ask God to meet every need that you have, and to hold you strong to Himself. I see He is doing just that when reading your post and am so blessed by your faith. May your first Easter with Eric in heaven be blessed and you feel him present in your heart and spirit. He is with you always.

Love, Laurie in So. Ca.

Jennifer said...

Just wanted you to know that we are thinking of you and your family, and still holding you up in prayer!

The Ambrosinos

Valerie said...

Heather,

As it has been said before I try to imagine how you are struggling and it hurts my heart for you. As I read this blog I think of how many times I have told my children besides the knowledge that Christ alone can they go to for their salvation, understanding God's sovereignty is the next important thing I want them leaving our home have a grasp of. It is one's only comfort at many times. Yes, we are promised tribulation in this life and should expect it. How well you know this my dear friend.

Thinking of you as you anticipate Easter, my favorite holiday. I am sure hard to imagine without Eric to spice things up. :-) I am praying.

I miss you! We have been so sick her for a month. Thus you haven't heard from me. How about a coffee or walk next week? We are overdue.

Give my love to all the "kiddos"

-Valerie

monica said...

The Lord is our strength and comfort in all situations. We are praying for your family constantly. Thank you for being so transparent and real. It helps to know what to pray specifically about. We really enjoyed your photos from DL. What a great trip fun and healing.

Love in Christ,
Monica and Xavier