Sunday, April 27, 2008

Prayers Answered, Prayers Needed

We made some wonderful new memories and got through some tough times this past weekend. I want to thank you for your prayers on behalf of our family.
There were moments that I was not sure I could get through. It is amazing how psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs continually calm my heart.
In you, O LORD, do I take refuge; let me never be put to shame!
2In your righteousness deliver me and rescue me; incline your ear to me
and save me!
3Be to me a rock of refuge, to which I may continually come. (Psalm 71)
The fact that we even made it to our friend's home for the bonfire was a huge achievement. We seemed to get through the majority of the normal activities until we got to the singing around the bonfire. O-kay, to the average person that did not know Eric, this is going to sound odd. We always sang around the campfire and even though the song list was fairly random we always sang "The Bear in Tennis Shoes". So, does it sound odd yet? This song evoked a lot of tears from both Boo and I. There were quite a few kids who asked for this song....all of whom Eric had a sweet relationship with. I guess the odd part is crying over a silly song...but it really was the life long memories of singing this song around each and every campfire.
It doesn't seem real...it doesn't seem logical that he is gone.
4Sing to God, sing praises to his name; lift up a song to him who
rides through the deserts;
his name is the LORD;
exult before him!5 Father of the fatherless and protector of widows
is God in his holy habitation. (Psalm 68)
After a very sleepless night we spent the next day just hanging out. It was somewhat relaxing or as relaxing as can be with a toddler to keep watch of. By the time we got home that night I was exhausted, physically and spiritually.
Sleep did not come easily and so I had to push myself through another day. What is amazing about Sunday is the gift of grace that I can completely feel flow over me as I worship my heavenly Father corporately with my brothers and sisters in Christ. I feel at rest when I am worshiping the Lord through song.
4May all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you!
May those who love your salvation
say evermore, "God is great!"5But I am poor and needy;
hasten to me, O God! You are my help and my deliverer;
O LORD, do not delay! (Psalm 70)
Although the singing time was wonderful, listening to the Word being preached was difficult. I had a hard time concentrating as I was dealing with disciplining Brown Sugar. As I struggled against her will all I could think of was "Why God are you asking me to do this...to be a single mom?" "This is too hard"
"I just can't do this"
25Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
26My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Psalm 73)
What I did hear from the sermon, which was based on the ongoing trials of Jacob, was the promise that we must exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance;
and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope. (Romans 5:2-4) We can't dwell in the hope unless we have tribulations. We have to walk into the tribulation to learn perseverance. We must continue in our perseverance to gain proven character. And, in that proven character is where we rest in hope.
At the end of today I still need that message. I struggled even this evening with the questioning of God's plan. But, it is only when I walk into the trial that I gain. Walking away from it does not bring Eric back but rather leaves me weak and vulnerable to sin.
When I started to write this post I felt I had nothing to say. Nothing worthwhile anyway. I was steeped in lonliness and sadness because I had seen some photos that reminded me of what I am missing in my life. But, as I was looking up the individual Psalms that had floated through my mind today (at just the right times I must add) I am thankful for the lesson being brought back to me through this blogspot.
It is through washing my heart with His Word that I can once again feel content with His will for my life. This is a moment by moment challenge as I try to
daily conform to His ways and not mine.
This is where I need prayer. This is where I need my brothers and sisters to lift me before the throne as I walk into another challenging week.
~Lazyd

11 comments:

All 8 of Us said...

Heather,
Thank you for your continued transparency so that you can be lifted before the throne of grace very specifically. Truly, He longs to show you mercy and compassion and it is His delight to carry you when you cry out to Him. I will be praying that in the heat of the moment you will 'count it all joy' that He will give you he grace to avail yourself of every drop of His mercy and grace showered upon you at just the right time.

Also, wanted you to know that your blog has ministered to my heart...really helping me to cherish what I have now knowing things could change in a heartbeat. A new friend from church (mom of 4- homeschooler) lost her dear husband 2 years ago last week. Your words have helped me to perceive perhaps some of what she is walking through as the anniversary of his homegoing came and went. The Lord graciously carried her and her 4 children but I was able to reach out to her and let her know I am praying and carrying them on my heart...thank you for your role in that.I also hope to print out the article you referenced in your last update...I think it will minister to her greatly.
Praying for you!!
Kathi(adoptive mom from aoh)

homeskoolmom5883 said...

It is not silly to start crying over a silly song that has memories tied to your very best earthly friend.

Praising God for the new memories your family is making, as difficult as it may be for all of you.

God bless you this week especially with the grace and peace to take each step one at a time.

You're a precious daughter of the KIng...
Christine

Valerie said...

Heather,

Wow! Your blog was just what I needed to be reminded of and exhorted about this morning. Of course what I am dealing with is so minor compared to your trial. But as we have spoken of many times over the years where we are at is very real how big or small our trials seem.

My dealings with my dear "humbler" is continual and honestly I just feel so many times as if I am doing something wrong and have asked God if He chose the right Mommy for this child as he just continues to challenge me in so many ways. Yet, rather then wishing for a child with a different personality (notice I didn't ask for a different child..he is just too cute :-) I need to perservere through this trial and not try to avoid and be the mother he has called me to be even when I don't seem to be seeing any results. Yes, I am eqiped! Praise the Lord I don't have to rely on my own strength or wisdom for this job.

Love you my friend and thinking of you. We'll enjoy having Boo here today. Give me a break from the "humbler" child.

-Valerie

godlover said...

Isn't it marvelous to experience prayer answered? To know that you made it through an ordeal and to have done so only with answered prayer? It's all so wonderful to live and rest in God's answer to so many prayers. God is stronger than any ordeal we have to face. Scripture says, "When I am weak, then I am strong." You lived these words over the weekend, Heather. God made you strong. He is faithful. He will always be there in strength when we meet him in our weakness. "My grace is sufficient for you." Cling to that promise.
Marj
Calaveras County CA
http://gdlvr.blogspot.com

Quinne said...

Hi Heather :)
I'm praying! Your words here...

"It is through washing my heart with His Word that I can once again feel content with His will for my life. This is a moment by moment challenge as I try to
daily conform to His ways and not mine. This is where I need prayer."

...so beautiful! Such a rich reminder for all of us. Love, Q

tenthstreetplace said...

Heather,
Your blog is always encouraging. Sometimes I wonder what God has in store for my life. Thank you for the reminder that perseverance leads to hope.

Carlee said...

Heather, I am continually struck by your honesty and transparency. I have to wonder what impact your life, your new life, is having in your church family. I pray, and pray, that as a body of believers, sojourning here together in a land that is not our home, you are all drawn closer into a community that takes care of each other, rejoices together, weeps together, and prays together.

I remember when a dear friend was killed in a car accident, he was 22, and he was the person who introduced me to my husband. It was the first time, the very first time, that I longed to go to heaven. Until I could picture what he had, and what I did not have, I could not long for heaven with a deep longing. I wonder if that is where your heart is; knowing you will be here the exact number of minutes your life is ordained to be here, but with a deeper sense of aching for your final home, where there are no more tears.

Hebrews 11: "13All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. 14People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. 15If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. 16Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them."

Beth said...

I continue to pray for you and your family...specifically you and your littlest one. You are such an encouragement.

As One Voice said...

Continuing in prayer for you all ~
In Christ ~ Diana

felmleyfam said...

oh, thank you so much for the update. I was praying with expectation and anticipation for your weekend. thank you for sharing about it. And how great our Lord is to bring you through this entry in victory and renewed reliance on HIM! oh, what a loving God to give us His Word, JESUS, and the Pslams to comfort us and encourage us on. Hope your homecoming with Goose goes well. Praying for your reuniting. Keeping you busy with a two year old may just be the Lords way of keeping you on your toes and not prostrate on the bathroom floor in tears (though I don't doubt that that happens as well). What a blessing you are to your children, remaining consistent with the power of the Lord as your strength. praying for you!

sheep wanderer said...

I'm praying for you Heather. Thank you for continuing to share, you are encouraging me in my walk so much.

God's grace which has carried you so far will be definitely be enough this week also.

Liz, UK