Prayers Answered, Prayers Needed

We made some wonderful new memories and got through some tough times this past weekend. I want to thank you for your prayers on behalf of our family.

There were moments that I was not sure I could get through. It is amazing how psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs continually calm my heart.

In you, O LORD, do I take refuge; let me never be put to shame!

2In your righteousness deliver me and rescue me; incline your ear to me

and save me!

3Be to me a rock of refuge, to which I may continually come. (Psalm 71)

The fact that we even made it to our friend's home for the bonfire was a huge achievement. We seemed to get through the majority of the normal activities until we got to the singing around the bonfire. O-kay, to the average person that did not know Eric, this is going to sound odd. We always sang around the campfire and even though the song list was fairly random we always sang "The Bear in Tennis Shoes". So, does it sound odd yet? This song evoked a lot of tears from both Boo and I. There were quite a few kids who asked for this song....all of whom Eric had a sweet relationship with. I guess the odd part is crying over a silly song...but it really was the life long memories of singing this song around each and every campfire.

It doesn't seem real...it doesn't seem logical that he is gone.

4Sing to God, sing praises to his name; lift up a song to him who

rides through the deserts;

his name is the LORD;

exult before him!5 Father of the fatherless and protector of widows

is God in his holy habitation. (Psalm 68)

After a very sleepless night we spent the next day just hanging out. It was somewhat relaxing or as relaxing as can be with a toddler to keep watch of. By the time we got home that night I was exhausted, physically and spiritually.

Sleep did not come easily and so I had to push myself through another day. What is amazing about Sunday is the gift of grace that I can completely feel flow over me as I worship my heavenly Father corporately with my brothers and sisters in Christ. I feel at rest when I am worshiping the Lord through song.

4May all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you!

May those who love your salvation

say evermore, "God is great!"5But I am poor and needy;

hasten to me, O God! You are my help and my deliverer;

O LORD, do not delay! (Psalm 70)

Although the singing time was wonderful, listening to the Word being preached was difficult. I had a hard time concentrating as I was dealing with disciplining Brown Sugar. As I struggled against her will all I could think of was "Why God are you asking me to do this...to be a single mom?" "This is too hard"

"I just can't do this"

25Whom have I in heaven but you?

And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.

26My flesh and my heart may fail,

but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Psalm 73)

What I did hear from the sermon, which was based on the ongoing trials of Jacob, was the promise that we must exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance;
and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope. (Romans 5:2-4) We can't dwell in the hope unless we have tribulations. We have to walk into the tribulation to learn perseverance. We must continue in our perseverance to gain proven character. And, in that proven character is where we rest in hope.

At the end of today I still need that message. I struggled even this evening with the questioning of God's plan. But, it is only when I walk into the trial that I gain. Walking away from it does not bring Eric back but rather leaves me weak and vulnerable to sin.

When I started to write this post I felt I had nothing to say. Nothing worthwhile anyway. I was steeped in lonliness and sadness because I had seen some photos that reminded me of what I am missing in my life. But, as I was looking up the individual Psalms that had floated through my mind today (at just the right times I must add) I am thankful for the lesson being brought back to me through this blogspot.

It is through washing my heart with His Word that I can once again feel content with His will for my life. This is a moment by moment challenge as I try to

daily conform to His ways and not mine.

This is where I need prayer. This is where I need my brothers and sisters to lift me before the throne as I walk into another challenging week.

~Lazyd