Friday, September 26, 2008

Not Much to Say

I seem to not have much to say...well, actually, I have a lot to say but it all seems controversial. I am absolutely undone over this so-called bailout that the Federal government is trying to pull on us and you all know what I think about the election now. I have just decided that I must find something else to think about. I was really doing well keeping my distance from the whole political atmosphere until Palin came on the scene.
I do have something to celebrate though...we have a birthday in our home tomorrow. Of course, I am not old enough to have an 18 year old but that is just what Goose is turning tomorrow. I just can not believe it.
I have had some emotional moments the last couple of days as I think about Goose not having his dad here for this important b-day. The wondering continues....why, why did Eric have to leave us so soon? Those questions will never be answered.
The pain is still there but more sporadic. I am usually just too busy to think about it until I fall into bed each night. But, today, as I was going through papers I found all of the hospital and funeral paperwork. It was not sobs this time but a few moments of sad tears. The sobbing seems to come every couple of weeks now. There is a part of me that does is cheering that we might be through some of the darkest part of this valley...there is another part of me that knows that as we walk out of the darkest part of this valley we are walking further away from Eric (not the memory but the reality) and that just hurts.

The incredible words below were written by Steven Curtis Chapman after his daughter was killed in a tragic accident. Although there are parts to this song that fly in the face of the particular theology I espouse to these words seemed to be written just for me. The song's title is "Yours"

I've walked the valley of death's shadow
So deep and dark that I could barely breathe
I've had to let go of more than I could bear
And questioned everything that I believe
But still even here
in this great darkness
A comfort and hope come breaking through
As I can say in life or death
God we belong to you

~Lazyd

5 comments:

SK and Family said...

I am praying for you and your family!
:)Hugs,
Kat

da halls said...

Thank you for the update on how you are doing. I will continue to pray for you.

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Simply Tiffany said...

Just thought I'd drop a note and wish Goose a wonderful birthday, today!

Also...love the new look...so cute! :)

homeskoolmom5883 said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GOOSE!!!!!!
Love,
The Richardson's

Erin said...

No one else has asked, so what are the parts of the song that "fly in the face of the particular theology I espouse?" I am familar with Calvinism/Reformed theology.
A fellow Liberian adoptive mom.