Friday, December 19, 2008

Over the River and Through the Woods...or not!

Crazy...I was not thrilled with the idea of going to Oregon for Christmas. Now that the winter storms seem to be keeping us from taking that trip I am again....not thrilled.
After doing some searching of the heart I realize that it is the holiday itself that I am not looking forward to. I have great family and friends who are showing how much they love us by giving us all kinds of options but none seem to sit well with me.
I'm thinking that nothing is going to satisfy this anxious feeling in my heart. Well, nothing here on earth. It's that supernatural, extraordinary gift of peace that I need. I am amazed how quickly He gives this precious gift. All I have to do is ask...petitioning my Heavenly Father seems to be what I am good at lately.

Sometimes I just wish the world would stop so that I could just deal with these emotions. It takes a lot of energy...add to that the socialization that goes with the holidays and I become rather exhausted quickly. Thankfully I take the opportunity to be alone or to go take a nap when needed. A friend told me recently that I need to memorize this phrase "This is normal and to be expected". She encouraged me to use it whenever someone gives me that quizzical look that indicates they don't get why I am just not snapping out of it. Or, whenever someone out right questions me about my grief.

At this point I have no idea what we are doing for Christmas Eve or Christmas. I wish I didn't have to make these choices...wish this wasn't all happening to me. But, certain things are out of my hands and in the hands of a Sovereign God...a trustworthy place!


runninggal said...

I have been wondering and praying for you as I knew you were planning a visit - it's a white,snowy, icey world here in Central Oregon.

Hopefully, you can come in time, when this arctic blast lets up, but for now, I am glad you are safe at home!

CristyLynn said...

I think that your friend has given you a good phrase! I'm also glad that you're safe at home and not in the middle of a snow storm. We continue to pray for your during this season as you walk the path the Lord has laid out for you.

Much love from Russia!

not2brightGRAM said...

"This normal and to be expected." (I love how the Lord sometimes speaks to us in everyday language, not just KJV.)

And, the timetable is entirely unique to you. You won't just *snap out of it*; you will just realize one day that you went all day without crying and be amazed.

"This will be the hardest Christmas. They'll get easier with each year." -Rick

Love you, sweet sister!

six2love said...

I, too, am glad you're all safe, but I wish you were in Eugene this morning :^) We'll miss getting to meet you, but maybe another time.

Selfishly, I was looking forward to being with you and gleaning some of that awesome grace and wisdom with which you are always overflowing!! Friends/family often say how great I am doing. Actually, I'm barely holding back tears A LOT of the time. I don't mean to be fake at all, I just can't get anything done if I'm crying all the time. Your friend is correct, this is "normal and to be expected". It's been five months today.

One of David's dear friends brought firewood to us yesterday. We are being so carefully cared for by so many. The Lord is so good to us. I am humbled by his greatness and love.

I will be praying for you and the children during this next week. I know the Lord will bring just the right people and setting for this first Christmas without Eric in your midst.


godlover said...

How firm to me is the realization that grief is all on this side of eternity. When we get where we're going, we will never grieve again, But until that day comes we all do our best to handle the grief that we bear. Richie died shortly after the holidays but it's Christmas that gets to me because we were together on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and everything seemed fine. How quickly the tides can turn in this mortal world. He's been gone a long, long time and yet I still grieve. I've decided that grieving never stops as long as we have our memories. I took a moment the other day to gaze at his picture hanging on my bedroom wall. Funny how I've become old and wrinkled and he stays a beautifully sculpted 22. I do so miss him. The holidays are hard on everyone who has things and people to grieve. When you lose someone you're supposed to grieve but that grief seems to hang on year after year. I don't cry real tears much anymore. I just experience a dull, empty ache in my heart. There will come a day, Heather, when you will, like another commenter said, suddenly realize you made it through the day, (week, month, year) without crying real tears. My heart cries constantly but my body's just not up to it. Listen to your friends they sometimes have words of wisdom sent from our all-caring Creator. Grief, and the behaviors it produces is perfectly natural and is to be expected. Your friend speaks wisdom. Listen to her. I'm glad you're not on the roads going north. The roads are just going to worsen between now and Christmas. Stay safe. Stay home. Invite a few good friends over for light refreshments and talk about Eric. What you miss. What you wish. What you really, really need. And always ~ always ~ lean upon our magnificent Heavenly Father who knows what real grief is all about. Merry Christmas to you and yours, Heather. January starts a whole new year. Time keeps marching us onward whether we want to go or not. Thank God we have Him to lean on! And we know that everything happens at the right and perfect time. God bless you!


christine said...

What wise counsel. We continue to pray for all of you esp. in this difficult holiday season without your precious Eric, hubby and daddy.
Hugs to all of you,