Monday, March 31, 2008

Unbearable Pain?

Well, maybe not. But, it sure seems unbearable at times. Sunday was one of those times.
I did great on Saturday which was the two month anniversary of Eric's death. But, Sunday morning I felt it all come crashing down on me. The tears just kept coming.
On the way to church the local Christian radio station played Cinderella by Steven Curtis Chapman. That sent me into tears. By the time I was in the church building it was taking everything I had to keep from sobbing. I explained this to Mr. S, one of the elders, and he firmly suggested that I not play the piano as per the schedule. When I was released from the one duty that had brought me to church in the first place I had Goose take me home.
The morning was filled with so many tears. In between the tears my Titus 2 friend and her husband stopped by to pray and read God's Word to me. I was overwhelmed by this gift that the Lord had sent my way. They just happened to be in the area and a dear friend from church had called to let them know about my emotional situation. My Titus 2 friend read me Isaiah 30:19 and beyond. I was so blessed by her reading and God's provision.
The rest of the day was filled with more tears, lots of rest, a visit from a couple of friends, and more reading and praying. The kids spent the morning at church and the afternoon with some other dear friends...these brothers and sisters in Christ have been overflowing with love for my family (something I wish I could share with Eric -
he would be so happy to know that we are well taken care of).
Throughout the day I meditated on Isaiah 43.
But now, thus says the LORD, your Creator, O Jacob,
And He who formed you, O Israel,
"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name; you are Mine!
2"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they will not overflow you
When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched,
Nor will the flame burn you.
3"For I am the LORD your God,
The Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I have given Egypt as your ransom,
Cush and Seba in your place.
4"Since you are precious in My sight,
Since you are honored and I love you,
I will give other men in your place and other peoples in exchange for your life.
5"Do not fear, for I am with you...
7Everyone who is called by My name,
And whom I have created for My glory,
Whom I have formed, even whom I have made...
10"You are My witnesses," declares the LORD,
"And My servant whom I have chosen,
So that you may know and believe Me
And understand that I am He
Before Me there was no God formed,
And there will be none after Me.
11"I, even I, am the LORD,
And there is no savior besides Me.
12"It is I who have declared and saved and proclaimed,
And there was no strange god among you;
So you are My witnesses," declares the LORD,
"And I am God. 13"Even from eternity I am He,
And there is none who can deliver out of My hand;
I act and who can reverse it?" ...
16Thus says the LORD, Who makes a way through the sea
And a path through the mighty waters,
17Who brings forth the chariot and the horse, The army and the mighty man
(They will lie down together and not rise again;
They have been quenched and extinguished like a wick):
18"Do not call to mind the former things, Or ponder things of the past.
19"Behold, I will do something new, Now it will spring forth;
Will you not be aware of it?
I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert.
20"The beasts of the field will glorify Me,
The jackals and the ostriches,
Because I have given waters in the wilderness
And rivers in the desert, To give drink to My chosen people.
21"The people whom I formed for Myself will declare My praise...
I am writing this after spending the last few minutes hugging my oldest, Boo, as she cries over the loss of her daddy. My pain seems unbearable at times but seeing your children go through this pain seems even more unbearable. But, as I saw this morning, I woke up to a new day with new mercies. I start the days out with those mercies anew and end grieving in the comforting arms of my Savior. My children see this, my family and friends see God be all the glory!


da halls said...

I continue to pray for you. Thank you for being so open and real.
Mary Beth

All 8 of Us said...

You continue to be on my heart...I am continuing to lift you and your precious ones up before the throne of grace. Thank you for sharing your sorrow and the hope you have in Him. Your pain is very real and you are communicating so well that His grace, comfort and care are very real too.
Praying that you will sense His sustaining grace for today.
Kathi baillie (aoh mom)

fletch said...

Heath -
Loved this verse:
"19 Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness And rivers in the desert."

I am praying for you continually as you cling to God's promises on behalf of your family.

countrymomtx said...

Crying with you, as I read about your Sunday. What a gift to have the friends you do and support. I know your loss is still there and so great, even though all of that helps and you see God meeting your needs through others.Thanks you for sharing with us and I am continuing to pray for you and your children. Hugs from West Tejas, Cindy

Jennifer said...

Heather -

We pray for you and your family continually. It is a blessing to see how God is orchestrating your care both physically and emotionally.


As One Voice said...

Isaiah is one of my favorite books - so rich with encouragement. A few more words:

Isaiah 41: 9b-10 "Thou are my servant; I have chosen thee, and not cast thee away. Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness." and verse 13 "For I the LORD thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee." and verses 17-18 "When the poor and needy seek water, and there is none, and their tongue faileth for thirst, I the LORD will hear them, I the God of Israel will not forsake them. I will open rivers in high places, and fountains in the midst of the valleys: I will make the wilderness a pool of water, and the dry land springs of water."

How wonderful to know that when our poor, needy hearts fairly faint with the unceasing inner thirst created by sorrow, our all merciful and loving LORD does not forsake us but opens up fountains of comfort in the wilderness to minister to our parched and weary souls. What a blessing to have friends who truly are the "hands and feet" of Jesus for you.

Sharing your tears and keeping you ever in thought and prayer ~ Diana

godlover said...

I'm so thankful that you have so many loving brothers and sisters in Christ who are able to do for you what I can only long to do. ("Comfort, comfort my people, says your God." Isa. 40:1) It must have been so encouraging to have someone come by and share your burden of pain when you were enduring Sunday. Sadly, there will be more Sundays ahead. But the Lord will hold you up and give you the strength you need. Hopefully this comment will post only once. I tried to leave a post for womanoffaith1 on her blog and it posted twice. Please know that I long to be able to comfort you and I hope in some small way this comment will help you along your journey. We have pain now because we live in a fallen world but we have hope. That is the difference with our grief as children of God, we have hope. You will see Eric again just as I will someday see my son again.

Uplifting you in prayer.
Calaveras County, CA

Quinne said...

Hi Heather :) Sending love and prayers tonight... Love, Q

monica said...


May God continue to comfort you, encourage you and bless you as you continue to keep your eyes on Him through this very difficult time. May God bless you as you continue to be a godly example to your children amidst your suffering. What a blessing you are to them all. Our prayers are with you and your beautiful family. Know that God is with your each and every step knowing those steps before you even take them.

Love in Christ,
Monica and Xavier

Isaiah 54:4-7
Fear not, for you will not be put to shame; And do not feeel humiliated, for you will not be disgraced; But you will forget the shame of your youth, And the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more. For your husband is your Maker, Whose name is the Lord of hosts; And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel, Who is called the God of all the earth. For the Lord has called you, Like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit, Even like a wife of one's youth when she is rejected, says your God. For a brief moment I forsook you, But with great compassion I will gather you.