Well, maybe not. But, it sure seems unbearable at times. Sunday was one of those times.
I did great on Saturday which was the two month anniversary of Eric's death. But, Sunday morning I felt it all come crashing down on me. The tears just kept coming.
On the way to church the local Christian radio station played Cinderella by Steven Curtis Chapman. That sent me into tears. By the time I was in the church building it was taking everything I had to keep from sobbing. I explained this to Mr. S, one of the elders, and he firmly suggested that I not play the piano as per the schedule. When I was released from the one duty that had brought me to church in the first place I had Goose take me home.
The morning was filled with so many tears. In between the tears my Titus 2 friend and her husband stopped by to pray and read God's Word to me. I was overwhelmed by this gift that the Lord had sent my way. They just happened to be in the area and a dear friend from church had called to let them know about my emotional situation. My Titus 2 friend read me Isaiah 30:19 and beyond. I was so blessed by her reading and God's provision.
The rest of the day was filled with more tears, lots of rest, a visit from a couple of friends, and more reading and praying. The kids spent the morning at church and the afternoon with some other dear friends...these brothers and sisters in Christ have been overflowing with love for my family (something I wish I could share with Eric -
he would be so happy to know that we are well taken care of).
Throughout the day I meditated on Isaiah 43.
But now, thus says the LORD, your Creator, O Jacob,
And He who formed you, O Israel,
"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name; you are Mine!
2"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they will not overflow you
When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched,
Nor will the flame burn you.
3"For I am the LORD your God,
The Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I have given Egypt as your ransom,
Cush and Seba in your place.
4"Since you are precious in My sight,
Since you are honored and I love you,
I will give other men in your place and other peoples in exchange for your life.
5"Do not fear, for I am with you...
7Everyone who is called by My name,
And whom I have created for My glory,
Whom I have formed, even whom I have made...
10"You are My witnesses," declares the LORD,
"And My servant whom I have chosen,
So that you may know and believe Me
And understand that I am He
Before Me there was no God formed,
And there will be none after Me.
11"I, even I, am the LORD,
And there is no savior besides Me.
12"It is I who have declared and saved and proclaimed,
And there was no strange god among you;
So you are My witnesses," declares the LORD,
"And I am God. 13"Even from eternity I am He,
And there is none who can deliver out of My hand;
I act and who can reverse it?" ...
16Thus says the LORD, Who makes a way through the sea
And a path through the mighty waters,
17Who brings forth the chariot and the horse, The army and the mighty man
(They will lie down together and not rise again;
They have been quenched and extinguished like a wick):
18"Do not call to mind the former things, Or ponder things of the past.
19"Behold, I will do something new, Now it will spring forth;
Will you not be aware of it?
I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert.
20"The beasts of the field will glorify Me,
The jackals and the ostriches,
Because I have given waters in the wilderness
And rivers in the desert, To give drink to My chosen people.
21"The people whom I formed for Myself will declare My praise...
I am writing this after spending the last few minutes hugging my oldest, Boo, as she cries over the loss of her daddy. My pain seems unbearable at times but seeing your children go through this pain seems even more unbearable. But, as I saw this morning, I woke up to a new day with new mercies. I start the days out with those mercies anew and end grieving in the comforting arms of my Savior. My children see this, my family and friends see this...to God be all the glory!