The Party of All Parties!

We decided to hold a party for Nate so that people could say good-bye. I posted an invitation on Facebook and also on our church's website...I was seriously hoping that people would show up. Well, they did! 170+ showed up!
Now, we have a 2500 sq ft ranch style home in an older neighborhood of our town. Our front room is not that big but we do live on a quarter of an acre (that's big for in town lots in California!). There were people everywhere! It was absolutely crazy and yet, oh so fun!

The menu was Texas style: chips, salsa, a very, very, very hot Texas chili, and Texas sheet cake. In fact, that chili was so hot that I had two Mexican friends try it first and one said that there is no way a "gringo" could ever handle such hot food! Yikes! I was a bit nervous putting it out on the counter but did and the guests loved it....in fact, out of the big roasting pan of chili we only had a couple of cups left at the end of the night.
In the above picture there is a table against the glass doors. Daisy came up with the idea of having family and friends sign the poster paper so that Nate could have a long lasting memory of this great send-off. We took pictures of it which we will take with us to San Antonio to his graduation.

We had people in the front yard, people in the family room, people in the backyard, and people spilling into our library. By the way, this was a wedding gift that Phil and I gave to each other. I had about 2000 books and he had another 1000+ to add to the "pile". So, we decided that library shelves would be a great addition to our home and a great gift for two book lovers.
Now the real work begins as we catalog them and shelve them in their appropriate spots.

Good friends are always a blessing and especially at events like these. In our growing church we rarely find time to chat with our close friends. There are so many new families to greet and get to know. So, when there is a moment to say hi to long ago friends it is a treat indeed!

Thanks to Norm and Susan, Eric's parents, we have this wonderful player piano that is always a hit at every gathering. People love to hang around this fun instrument and sing along.

This picture is a bit blurry but it is a fun one for those of us who have been praying for our Pastor and his wife. They have been on a waiting list for a Chinese adoption for a few years now and had just found out that they had a six year old girl recommended for their family. We were all gathered around the computer screen to see the picture of their new addition.

Phil and Ken talking about...stuff. Ken is Eric's cousin's husband. I have known Ken for as long as I had known Eric, really. I met him and his wife only a few months after Eric and I met. This is the family that my kids go to Mexico with each year. Sounds like we will miss this year's trip due to weddings but next year? The girls can't wait to go with Cousin Ken and Cousin Laura on a mission trip.

Our church is full of young ladies and gentleman...it is exciting to see them all grow up. They are such great kids. Full of life and love for their Lord.

Friends and neighbors....

and, more friends!

So....I hear this ruckus out in the backyard. I grab my camera and head out to catch Nate climbing out of the pool. Um, the weather was in the 50's which means the pool was quite a bit cooler. Yikes! Who threw him in? was the question of the moment. Come to find out it was our Pastor and some men of our church.
One gentleman came up to Nate and asked if he could call his wife with Nate's phone...his battery had died and really needed to let his wife know that all was okay. Funny thing is? Nate didn't even think about the fact that his wife was sitting inside our warm house!
Our Pastor (and close friend) came along side Nate and told him how they, as the men of the church, did not want him to experience his first hazing at the hands of people he did not know. So, they proceeded to carry him over to the pool and throw him in!
Just rewards for Nate who has many times pushed an unassuming friend into cold waters of our pool!

As always, where there is good fellowship there seems to be great wine. Erik (to the left) is quite the wine connoisseur and brought over some nice white wines to help with the mouth burning chili.

Another thing you will find our youth doing at our church is playing games. Catch Phrase is one of our faves. Later on we played Balderdash. We have a lot of fun just hanging with these kids. Who said that raising teens was so difficult?

The party lasted until midnight and then we got ready for another day of good-byes. While I was at Starbucks getting Nate's phone and personal belongings from him my dear husband and younger son were at home cleaning up the house. This was no small task! 170 plus people leave quite a trail of dirt, dishes, and stains in their wake.
I was feeling rather blessed by their gift to me.
Phil has been quite the blessing during this transition time in the life of our family. There are just so many changes in such a short period of my life. I don't think I have ever experienced such a time as this.

This is the room that we watched Nate vow to protect our Constitution. It was emotional as ever as I so wished Eric could have been there to see this. We both knew that Nate was military material and hoped that he would choose to join the Air Force. Eric would have been so proud to watch his son do what he did so many years before.

What a great young man God has placed in our family. This really is a great time for him and I am so proud of him. He will do well in the military.

Our family was not the only one that went to Sacramento to see Nate be sworn in..."Uncle" Rick and his son Zach joined us. I've known Rick just about as long as I had known Eric as well. Rick and Eric became fast buddies while serving on the USS Carl Vinson. Rick moved back here when Eric died and has purposefully stayed in touch with my kiddos. They know him as Uncle Rick because he just always been in our lives. He even lived with us for awhile. It was great to have him there to support Nate.

The family with one missing (Becca) and an addition (Zach).

Good-bye for now, big brother! Gabs loves her big brother and will be so surprised when she sees him in June. He will be a different person...a man!
We head off to San Antonio sometime in March to watch him graduate. Kind of a great excuse to go to such a fun city that I have never been to before. It will be just me and the girls. The two little ones will stay home with Phil. We just can't afford to take everyone....very sad...but, the time with the girls will be so much fun. I'm looking forward to it and looking forward to seeing Nate again.
~Heather

Twenty Ten

Welcome to the new year!
2009 was another amazing year of change for our family.
We started out the year of 2009 ending the first year of life without Eric.
and we ended the year with a wedding.

Hopefully those who know me well would be able to stand up and say that
those many changes have changed me for the good. I hope that as 2009 closes that
my sanctification is noticeable for all to see.

2010 looks to be an equally bountiful year of change.
Nathan goes off to Air Force training in January and Rebecca will be walking down the aisle to her love come this May.
May the Lord grant us a year full of changes...growth.


Since I do not have all of our wedding photos yet I thought I would start this new year by sharing with you the professional photos that we had taken of the family.
It is a new family forming out of the old.

I seriously think this photo could be used by Gap!

I loved this picture of Becca. She made this lovely dress.

This has Baby Gap written all over it.

I love this photo of Foley and his big sister.
By the way, I changed this guy's online name from Lil' Cowboy to Foley. Foley was his African name which seems more appropriate for this growing young boy.

Daisy has a unique style that I have grown to love. She is a lovely young lady on the inside and she has such a way with kids. I love this photo of her.

A serious picture of my oldest son. Very proud of this young man as I know his dad would be as well.

Phil suggested the idea of this picture. I just loved it.

This brings a smile to my face!

I'm not the only one that loves this guy. He has four adoring sisters.

I am blessed.
I know you are all looking forward to seeing photos of the wedding.
I will share them as soon as I get them.
~Heather

Merry Christmas!

MERRY CHRISTMAS
from our house to yours!

Enjoy the beauty of the season and the wonder of His advent.

Celebrate the love of family and friends and enjoy living life to it's fullest!

I look forward to introducing you to my new blog starting January 1st and catching you up on all the incredible moments our family has enjoyed over the past couple of weeks.
Until then, have a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year!
~Heather

Whew, That Was Close!

Last evening we went on a nice walk. The sky was darkening and the stars were starting to shine brightly. Because I figured that I could not get the stroller up the embankment of the canal I chose to walk in the road...mind you, I was walking against traffic (as you are suppose to) and very close to the curb. There were two lanes from which the oncoming truck could travel in but he/she continued to dominate the far lane that I was occupying. Granted, it was dark but I was clearly visible and yet he kept coming at me. Phil, along with the rest of the family started to shout at me to get out of the road. I was kind of in a state of shock. I just couldn't believe that the driver wasn't even slowing down. He just kept speeding up as if he wanted to hit Brown Sugar and me.

I did finally get the stroller up over the curb...just in time as the truck zoomed past me. Phil carried Brown Sugar and the stroller up to the top of the canal. I know there were questions of why I was even in the road and other questions of why I didn't seem to be moving out of the way. But, then the most extraordinary thing happened. Phil came over to me and asked if I was o-kay. He had such tenderness in words and worry in his eyes. He was genuinely concerned about what was going on in my head and heart.

That is when my emotions spilled...words just came rushing out in disbelief as I rehearsed what had just happened. I was confused as to why the truck driver was so intent on running us over. He just held me and listened. The fact that I could have lost my daughter because of a reckless driver did not escape me. Phil was there to calm me down and help me process it all.

I am thankful for such incidents as these. They are lovely reminders of the gift that Phil is to me and my family. He is level headed and a calming influence for me in particular. My friends have witnessed his kindness and calm demeanor as problems arise with the kids. They have also seen him deal with situations that we have to face...like me leaving my keys in my son's car on Reformation Night. Goose left before us...with my keys. Phil was my hero that night...quietly taking charge and calming me at the same time.

I am blessed!
~Heather

Family Identity

Last night we had our first pre-marriage/family counseling session with our Pastor and his wife.
Phil and I are both blessed to have this couple in our lives. They have a lot of insight into my family which means they have a lot of helpful advice to share with us.
I was reminded last week that we have only known Steve and Wendy for six years now but Steve has baptized our adopted children, performed Eric's and my twentieth anniversary renewal of vows, conducted Eric's memorial, and now will be officiating as I marry Phil.
We hope (and pray) that he has the privilege of baptizing a baby or two of ours as well! And, then there are our children's weddings to officiate and grandbabies to baptize....okay, you get the point!

There was much to discuss...Phil and I have had and continue to have long talks about how we will do certain things and what we will change regarding house rules, traditions, and so on. We talk about what we will keep the same as well. It is all so important as we try to create a new family.
One of the things that Steve asked us to work on was creating a new family identity.
What is it that the Olsson family will be known for?
What is the one thing that we all love to do together?
I think that over time this will come together for us but only because we are actively seeking to create that new identity.

IDENTITY: Distinct personality of, characteristics by which a thing or person is recognized or known, exact sameness.

A family identity fits the description above and yet is even more complex because it contains the individual personalities of each member as well.
As I look back on the Davis family identity I believe that most people who knew us would say that we were a family who was constantly busy and doing for others.
When Eric died our identity was in limbo. Eric would be described by most (including me) as a command man. I take this defining term from Debi Pearl's book "Created To Be His Help-Meet" (this is not an endorsement of any of the Pearl's books). Here is an exerpt:

"A few men are born with more than their share of dominance and, on the surface, a deficit in gentleness. They often end up in positions that command other men. We will call them Command Men. They are born leaders...These men see life as if they are looking from a high mountain, they see the big picture rather than individual needs.

They are known for expecting their wives to wait on them hand and foot. A Command Man does not want his wife involved in any project that prevents her from serving him. If you are blessed to be married to a strong, forceful, bossy man, as I am, then it is very important for you learn how to make an appeal without challenging his authority...

...A woman can fight until she is blue in the face, yet the Command Man will not yield. Yielding would be against his personhood. He is not as intimate or vulnerable as are other men in sharing his personal feelings or vocation with his wife. He seems to be sufficient unto himself. It is awful being shut out. A woman married to a Command Man has to earn her place in his heart by proving that she will stand by her man, faithful, loyal, and obedient. When she has won his confidence, he will treasure her to the extreme.

A King wants a Queen, which is why a man in command wants a faithful wife to share his fame and glory. Without a woman’s admiration, his victories are muted. If a wife learns early to enjoy the benefits of taking the second seat, and if she does not take offense to his headstrong aggressiveness, she will be the one sitting at his right side being adored, because this kind of man will totally adore his woman and exalt her. She will be his closest, and sometimes his only, confidante. Over the years, the Command Man can become more yielding and gentle. His wife will discover secret portals to his heart."

This is a great description of Eric. I didn't get it for the first ten years of our marriage. It wasn't until the Lord brought some incredible older women into my life that I was able to understand how to honor and respect my husband. And, when "Created" came out it was like a breath of fresh air! Someone finally understood our marriage. Someone finally understood why Eric would be upset when I forgot to take my cell phone with me. Someone finally had advice on how to create a godly marriage with a man who ran his home like a military boot camp.

And, the Lord knew that I needed a military boot camp for those twenty plus years. I had quite a bit of growing up to do and Eric was the tool that God used to mature me. I thank Him for those incredible years. For the last seven years or so Eric adored me as his "queen". My years of obedience even when it was incredibly difficult was rewarded with a kind husband who truly trusted and loved me.

The only downside to Eric's commanding ways was that this household and identity was wrapped up in him. When he died our family identity died with him. That is why I say that our family identity has been in limbo. Our family identity was Eric. For those that knew him they would all say that he was a huge presence in many of their lives. The loss was great for our church and friends because he was such a big personality. It was the same for the kids and me.

One of the interesting fall outs of this discovery is that my kids do not know me very well. They feel like they knew so much about their dad but nothing about me. Most of that was because I was in the background doing various things for Eric or being the task master. They have been surprised by finding out who I am and realizing that I am not Eric. Honestly, I think it is wonderful that my kids saw Eric and me as one person. It was an honor serving him.

As we were talking last night I started to get excited about the idea of creating this new identity...seeing what God has in store for us as He forms a new family out of an existing one.
Even more exciting is the unique difference this new phase of my life will hold for me.

I remember talking to a dear friend (hey there Colleen!)about my multiple times of running out of gas. I explained that Eric always kept my gas tank full along with taking care of just about everything in our relationship. She said she wondered if this time inbetween my marriage to Eric and my marriage to whomever God would bring into my life would be a time of learning for me. Learning how to manage finances, home, children, and such knowing that there would be a possibility of marrying someone unlike Eric. I told her at the time that I didn't think that I could marry someone who wasn't a command man. I wouldn't know what to do.
Well, God has given me a man who is not fully a command man. I get the privilege of learning how to respect and honor Phil as he leads our new family. And, after a year and a half of learning how to run a home I am ready to help Phil and share in the responsibility of running this home and creating a new family identity.
By the way, this is not easy work. Right now it is a lot of mental work. No complaints...I am just walking down the path the Lord has laid before me as I have the past two years. I just keep going...being gently prodded by the Holy Spirit to keep on keeping on. It's all a part of the journey.
~Heather

A New Family

Recently we had family photos taken. Phil and I both understood the magnitude of this occasion. As an example, I just started bawling when I saw the proofs of the beautiful photos taken. Seeing with my eyes a picture that included Phil and not Eric was just plain crazy (crazy because it just is...mind boggling, really.)! For Phil it was just plain crazy to be having a family photo taken altogether. He's never had a family to have a portrait taken of and now all-of-a-sudden he has insta fam!
I was not sure when Goose would be heading off to boot camp and I really wanted to have a family portrait with him included. Rachelle is so creative and has such a good eye for these things that I couldn't resist asking this friend of mine to do us the honor.

I have not purchased the photos that she took yet but when I do you will see them displayed all over this blog! They are as beautiful as I was hoping they would be. She captured the love and happiness of this new family that God is forming.
Miss M brought along her camera and basically documented our family's photo shoot. These are the pics that she took.

Looking on and waiting for their turn.

Love this one

One of the many things I love about Phil is his ability to make me laugh.

Rachelle was telling us how she wanted us to stand for the next photo.

Caught telling another joke as Rachelle tries to get him to stand a certain way.

Awkward and funny at the same time.

Oooooh I love this one...I adore this man and love listening to him.

Um...yep, he feels the same!

I can't wait to show you the photos that Rachelle took. If you go to her website you can get a sneak preview of our photo shoot.
Lil' Cowboy just naturally gave his big sis a hug and it was caught on film.
I love the relationship that has developed between these two.

Well, Brown Sugar didn't want to be left out. She got Daisy to take a pic with her.

Big bro and big sis in one of the sweetest pics! I love their relationship as well. Each one of my (soon to be our) children have such unique and different personalities. It is a treasure to have each one of them in my life. Boo is moving on in her life as she moves out and lives with Lisa and her family. This is an exciting time for her and I am blessed to have friends that I trust to help me with my kiddos. This move will give Boo the opportunity to work on her seamstress business and help Lisa out. As I move into a new phase of my life it allows her to move into a new phase of her life as well.
Goose is headed out to boot camp the middle of January. Since this is a ways off he took the initiative and found a job at Best Buy this holiday season. His first job in the business world.
Part of this is very sad for me and yet I am so excited for my older children. It just seems like there has been an incredible amount of change in my life over the past twenty months. Although, as I look at this time of my life, I am thinking that I am only in the middle of these huge life changes. I lost my first husband, two of my children are moving on, I am getting married, the Lord might bless us with more children. That is just a lot in let's say... a three year time span. But, besides Eric's death it is all good.

I will admit that I used to be a bit prideful when it came to my family life. Eric and I had a great marriage and had a fun-loving family atmosphere in our home. There were no ex-wives or ex-husbands to deal with. There were no half or step siblings to have to get along with. The perfect family was what we were striving for and for some reason those extra people didn't fit into my idea of the perfect fam.
Then Eric died...so long to my idea of what family should look like. After twenty months of not having a husband/father in the home I am understanding more and more the concept of God's idea of family. He molds the character of each family. All we must do is obey His laws of faithfulness to our spouse and faithfulness in raising the blessings He has given us.
We must allow Him to create the family that He desires.

As I venture into this new phase of my life I think about how strange it is that my children will possibly have half sisters or brothers. I think about how strange it is that my children will have a step-dad. My former pride has been crushed and what is left in the rubble is a new appreciation for how God ordains and orchestrates our lives for our good and His own glory.
~Heather