I Can't Believe My Life

Heather Kinzer Davis is having one of those "I Can't Believe My Life" days

That is what my Facebook status read today. It has been one of those days! There are two sides to the above phrase though. In the now or present I have moments when I just can't believe that I am a widowed mother to six children. I just can't believe the tasks that have been laid at my feet to accomplish.
Then there is the flip side of the above statement. I can't believe where I am at this moment. I can't believe all the amazing lessons I have learned and I am amazed at the blessings I witness right now and see coming in the future.

I just can't believe my life!

For a moment I did get caught up in complaining about my present situation. I jokingly told my neighbor that I had had it with the kids and thought that maybe they could just "go away" so I could start over. But, as I tell my children, even in our joking there is always an element of truth in what you are saying.
My conversation with my neighbor was a direct violation of Phil. 2:14 which says "Do all things without grumbling or questioning". As Providence would have it, a close friend called me right in the middle of my conversation. Shortly after that phone call I was feeling rather convicted...my sin was great and it was causing me to become discontent with my circumstances.
That is when I knew that I needed to get on my knees before my Holy God and ask for forgiveness. I needed to ask Him for wisdom. The reason that I was feeling so overwhelmed and out of control was that I hadn't leaned on Him. I was leaning on my own understanding which is weak and crippled because of sin. But, standing in Christ's righteousness I have the ability to have clarity and gain wisdom on how to deal with those crazy moments of life. The key is to ask. So, I have learned to head to my bedroom, close the door, and go to my knees in prayer.

How is it that I am continually amazed at His seemingly quick answers to my prayers? How is it that I still don't trust Him to provide when I ask? He says if we ask for wisdom He will provide. If we trust in Him with all our hearts and if we do not lean on our own understanding that He will direct our path. What an amazing promise from an amazing God.

In thinking about what to write on our blog I thought it might be helpful for some of you to share how I direct my family spiritually.
One of those all time great books that I have added to my list of favorites is "When You Rise Up" by R.C. Sproul Jr. It really is an easy read on the responsibility of the parent to train their children according to Deuteronomy 6:4-9...

"Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one.
⁵ Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.
⁶ These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.
⁷ Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
⁸ Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.
⁹ Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates."

I have always desired to see this be lived out in my family but for various reasons and excuses given we have not been faithful to this Biblical mandate over the years.
As of January I became convicted that I couldn't just wait for God to change my life circumstances (e.g. husband). He had given me the responsibility to lead my family as the head of my home. So, we started out very slowly and very deliberately.

I first started with a daily family worship time at night. We sang, we read the Word, we prayed. This evening ritual has evolved into a time of going over catechism questions, still reading the Word and also reading a theological book. We have also developed a prayer chart that helps us remember to pray specifically for certain people on certain days. For instance, on Monday we pray for all the missionaries we support, on Tuesday we pray for our government officials, on Wednesday we pray for the Elders of our church, etc.

As we were on our trip around the U.S. we were able to witness a family coming together in the morning to read the Word as well as in the evening. I loved this and decided that our family would do the same. So, just about every morning we get up and read a Psalm and a portion of the Proverbs. We then sing the Doxology together. Simple. This falls in line with "when you rise up".

Something that I have done for a very long time as a parent is direct my children back to the Word of God as a way of discipling them. When I find that my children are just bickering way too much I will remind them of Eph. 4:32 "Be kind, tender-hearted, forgiving one another as God, in Christ forgave you." or Phil. 4:8 "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." I believe that this follows the "Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road" portion of the Deuteronomy passage.
I do the same for myself...that is what I did this afternoon. I was reminded of my sin through the Word of God that I had memorized. Do all things without grumbling or questioning!

Before you begin to think that I have it all together remember that I quite clearly showed you the sin in my life that I dealt with today. As a friend says...I am just a beggar showing another beggar where to find bread...the Bread of Life.
~Heather

After Three

Just a thought...

If you lay a good foundation during the first three years of your child's life do you have as much to do as the child grows older?

Kendra and I were talking about this subject one day. We concluded that this is the assumption by most young parents, especially those that have read any of the more popular parenting books.

We even had these thoughts floating around in our mind until our children began to grow up. As those children grow you find two different parenting types. The first is those who do their duty for the first three years and then basically step back to watch their work in action. But, sad to say, they find out quickly that if the foundation is not built upon it disintegrates and the foundation is no longer strong.

Then, there are the parents who realize that you must build on the foundation to keep it strong. They understand that the foundation is only the beginning of the process. There are the walls, headers, sheet rock, plaster, stucco and so much more that goes into the building be completed. And, then to top it off, the house must continually be maintained.

So, which parent are you?

Sitting Quietly

Recently I was asked how we have managed what seems to be the impossible...getting our two year old to sit quietly. If you know Brown Sugar well enough you will understand that this is not an easy task. She is an observant, curious little girl with incredible amounts of energy.

We are teaching and training her like we have trained all the rest of our kiddos...at home. We learned early on with our oldest that training in the public is not a good idea. And, what better way to spend my day as a mommy then teaching disciplines that will benefit them for the rest of their lives.

So, where do you start? Well, a lot earlier then we did! We began teaching our other children when they were about six to nine months old. When they can sit up in our laps. But, with Brown Sugar we did not have the first year with her so we were a bit behind.

While at home I would hold her in my lap facing forward. We chose this position because it seemed the least distractive for those folks sitting behind us. Brown Sugar still finds a way to snuggle even though she is facing forward. Sometimes we allow her to recline in our arms but the idea is that she does not look behind us.

We start training during family worship, when guests are over, or just whenever I have a moment. The idea is to do nothing but sit. If she talks I quietly lean over and whisper in her ear that it is time to be quiet. I never say shhh since that can be even more disruptive then the child's behaviour. Sometimes I will put my finger over my lips and then over hers. It is kind of like our own sign language (I also made up another sign where I point my index finger to my eyes and then to the object that I want the child to pay attention to).

If the child just starts screaming I would put my hand over her mouth and firmly but quietly say that her behaviour is not acceptable and she needs to stop. This works for us. If you have a child that you are just starting to train in this area you might expect more behaviour problems at first but don't give up.

We also "strong hold". It is the idea of holding your child in a bear hug. The ideal position is with the child sitting face forward on your lap. Typically they will resist and start getting upset. You continue to hold them tightly until they relax. It is in the relaxing that you praise them and then turn them around and snuggle with them. Why would we do this? We think it is a safe way to remind them that they need to trust us and submit to us as the parent. We have done this with all of our children. I think it has made our relationships stronger.

So, back to training to sit quietly. I expect some squirming especially at the end of a long service but the child is always directed to sit and look forward. Sometimes I will let them play with my fingers or my rings. We need to be reminded that our children will strive to live up to the expectations that we set for them and sometimes we just set the bar too low.

For instance, this past Sunday Brown Sugar was getting a bit restless by the time the service was wrapping up. We still had a few minutes more and so I gently whispered that I knew she had sat still for such a long time but she needed to sit for a few minutes more and wait for the time that she can go run around. Some might think it was silly for me to have this conversation with a two year old but I figure that she can understand my tone and some of the words and I am training myself to be a thoughtful, kind parent.

Another thought. One of the basic foundational principles of our training is that we train for the future and not for the moment. Training for the future reaches the heart. Training for the moment is just self satisfying for the parent and raises ungodly, self-focused children.

In regards to sitting quietly, we feel that we are not only thinking of others but also training for future self discipline in the child. For the child to give up their own desires for those of the parent is one of the most important lessons that we can teach our children.

~Lazy D

Our Family Vision

Do you have one? Have you and your husband taken a moment and figured out where you are headed in this life on earth? We have had an unspoken vision but had never put it down on paper. But, recently as we started to put together a study for young families we realized that we needed to write it out, get it down on paper, have visible evidence of what we felt in our heart to be true.
Every family's vision will look different and yet the obvious goal is the same. We all want to raise children that will be the next generation of a thousand who serve God with all of their heart, soul, mind, and strength.
To get you started, let me share with you some of the points of our vision. Mind you, there is no need for elaborate speech but rather simple phrases that define for your family what "success" is.

The Davis family vision is...
To raise Godly children who will love and serve their Savior with all of their heart, soul, mind, and strength
To continually grow in holiness through the reading of God's Word, prayer, and the admonishment and encouragement of our brothers and sisters in Christ.
To continually ask questions about why we do what we do. Is it based on tradition or moral and biblical precepts? We measure everything, including entertainment, education and time management against the Word of God
To teach our children the love of learning and to teach them how to teach themselves.
To create an atmosphere of thoughtfulness and kindness toward each other.
To enjoy each moment together as a family and make many memories along the way
To always have an open door to those around us. To always be ready with a clean home and meal to whomever the Lord brings our way.
To be ready to give an answer to what we believe.